OOTDs for the past few days bc u're special to me so u get exclusive updates, i got u b.

Details? I don't have a lot. Ah, had a friend crash in my place for the meantime. She's been staying with me for close to a week now. It's all cool so far.

I'm tired. Been doing terribly at work. I'd have a song for u if only I weren't tired and drained as fuck sori

Started playing Wordscapes again.

Take care :)

 Ok I have songs for u

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Shouldn't I be dreaming your dreams with you by now? I thought the world of you.

Time heals all wounds, just not as quick as I hoped it would. 

 I hate wearing bras but with nipple tapes it's always a will-it-fall-off-or-stay-on game. Tired.

I reactivated my Facebook but man I felt even more let down after scrolling for a few mins. I rly hate the platform. 

 I lost 8 kgs!!!!!!!!!!! YEHEY normal na BMI ko pero goal ko mag 45 kg talaga skl haaaha thank u diet pills lmao

I sort of made something over the weekend but idk how to go about it or what story I want to tell exactly so I'll just dump it here until further notice lol

Song

 

Ganda talaga ng putang inang kanta 'to. 

 I feel like shit. Didn't realize until after na 3 hrs na pala ako nakatunganga. I don't feel real. Sorry no songi

I feel numb floaty kinda thinking of killing myself too but I'm doing my best to be reasonable. Wala pa akong panglibing di pa pwede. Boy do I wanna die tho.

I don't hate anything or anyone, maybe just myself. I'm just tired and so fed up of everything :)

I hope your side of the planet is treating you well at least despite the shitfest that the world has been lately. 

It feels pointless to tell friends about how I feel. I feel so disconnected already. I take a look at the list of friends I have, and I can't find anyone I'd want to reach out to. Idk why. It's not that I don't trust them, it's that... idk.

I know that I am loved. I know my friends love me. But I can't find it in me to tell them this kind of things anymore. I don't want to waste their time. I feel like a burden. 

Can the world be a little bit gentler? Can the days be a little bit kinder? Can my brain be a little nicer??

I've always hoped for the kinder tomorrows that a friend once said would come my way eventually, and here they are now, but is this really the kindest they'll ever be?

Why does it still hurt so much? 

One reading I got last time called out how I ave this unproductive tendency to isolate from people, and it was just recently that I've stopped being in denial that I have been, indeed, putting myself in this self-imposed isolation. 

I want to break out of it, you know? It's just that it feels like there is no world to welcome me back. 

And this frustrates me which only makes me want to isolate even more and disconnect from the already few people that I still have left on my side idk haha 

So eto 9 na, 4 hrs kulang-kulang na ako nagmumunimuni :) wan ko

I wish I could afford therapy right now. 

Trying my hardest to keep from bleaching and dyeing my hair 

I still ended up finding a song for you anyway lol ilang oras ka ba naman tumunganga 

Here. 

 I was supposed to start my vocal lessons this weekend but I ditched it bc honestly? I don't feel ready. Also, Bebu and I have been snuggling the whole weekend. I've only been sleeping na nagka-shoulder cramps ako for a good amount of time today 🤣 

I got up at 8pm today to buy food instead of ordering sa Grab. Tipid times needed, tapos bumili ako ng kaldereta sa closest karinderya na bukas pa at this hour PERO PUTANGINA KALDERETA DAW PERO LASANG AFRITADA??? ANG LUNGKOT NAMAN NUN????

I'm supposed to reapply for my UMID tomorrow pero as always tinatamad ako lol

Hindi na ako alien btw haha

Grabe hangover ko sa Mulholland Drive hindi ako makapanood ng anything else kahit kdrama haha

May Twitter mutual ako na kabute tapos biglang bumalik kahapon at nag-announce na kaya pala siya ganon ay dahil, *drumroll*, buntis pala siya all along. And that's after niya mag-Yuzpe method which is also all I did after my last sexual intercourse. Natakot ako bigla para sa sarili ko, pero nagpapasalamat na rin ako dahil ang swerte ko. Pero hindi nga ako laging suswertehin. Kaya never again na. Safe sex na lang talaga.

Dami ko planong gawin today. Sana makiayon ang panahon at sana nga ay hindi na ako tamarin lol

 Song

 Masaya magmahal and things do not feel as heavy as they normally do, but why do I feel like things are not real for some reason

Nawala yung iba kong tinype dito pero ang song mo ay thru the fire ni Chaka Khan kasi lahat kaya niya tahalin alamg alang sa pag ibig kasi masarap naman talaga magmahal ayun lang babay may iba la ako sinabi peor pagod na ako ulitin hahahahaha

 Gusto kong makatulog na pero di ko rin magawa. I felt like shit, and I kid you not, only my dog is keeping me alive right now. Haha. It slightly helped din na magbasa ng bad reviews about my work company on Indeed hahaha I cried for a good five minutes and then started feeling better after giving my dog the skrimtches. It's calming to just watch her exist and go about her day and eat and whatever gnite no song today my phone is broken, some parts of the screen are unresponsive bye

 Nagisa ako sa work today. I feel like crap. Haha. My phone is also broken as in some part of the screen is unresponsive. So happy Saturday I guess. 

 I still haven't finished Mulholland Drive, but here are two songs for you!

I've been trying to finish Mulholland Drive, but I feel so tired lately. I will never drink again on a Sunday!!! Kasi ang ending umiinom pa rin kami till Monday morning and pagod ako till now. May OT pa ako mamaya 🥹🥹🥹🥹

 Yellow!

I have been off Instagram for a while now, well, my main account at least. I kept one account for this one friend kasi wala siyang Twitter/ayaw niya ibigay. Oks lang.

I've been on Twitter mostly. Malapit na rin ako mag-one month away from IG. Love it. My boss asked if I want to be a part of a GC on Messenger, dun sila nagpaplano ng stuff or announce ng updates. I refused. Eh isa nga ang work sa dahilan kung bakit ayoko maging reachable eh. Traumatized sa OT yorn. Hahaha emz.

May nakita akong post ba, ang sabi (non-verbatim), ang mga may karapatan lang daw mag-isolate like what I'm doing now is yung mga taong established na raw.

Masaya naman ako sa ginagawa ko. Bakit ba. Tsaka sa totoo lang, naaasar lang naman ako. Kahit naman nung may socmed ako, parang wala pa rin naman akong kaibigan. Wala akong go-to people lol so oks na rin tong ganito. Wala namang kinaibahan. At least I don't waste energy loving people who don't really share the same energy.

May nag-aaya sa aking lumabas ngayon, sa MOA raw tatambay. I hate malls. Hahahaha. I also hate people right now. While I want to break out of my routine, do something different ba, galit din ako sa mundo eh.

 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Tsaka sa totoo lang, hirap na akong i-navigate yung circle of friends na yun kasi yun yung same circle na may bad rep ako for hooking up with someone. 

I also did something terrible to my (ex-?) office crush, but that's another story, and I'm too out of it to elaborate. IYKYK. 

Ok that's it for the day basta galit ako sa mundo ATM lol

Ang song for the day ay wala basta FYI nag-aadik ako kay Usher dahil sa Tinydesk niya

Charot meron — eto. 

Grabe, kakaiba yung pagod ko today pero di naman ako inaantok. Gusto kong uminom pero pagod din ako. 

 Yellow!

Yesterday was a weird day. So, I got drunk at my boss's place. Hindi ako nagkalat sa bahay ng boss ko!! Dun lang sa ride home pauwi 🤡 I remember crying kasi the workmate who dropped me off sounded angry 

Anw I wish I could work from home and it's so weird when I woke up kasi may blue face mask sa sahig ng kwarto ko tapos may bag ng suka and the latter is so out of character of me

I also woke up naked 

Happy payday! We are not preganté!!! Hurray!!!!

I feel so down tho. I won't elaborate na muna. No song. I've just been listening to Michael Jackson and Toto lately. 

I'm not okay, I feel so exhausted. 

I changed my mind. I have a song for you. 

An iron fist in a velvet glove, ganda lang ng phrase. 

I'm sure I have friends, I don't really feel like I still have any left. I'm not comfortable opening up to them anymore about how I feel or when I feel vulnerable, like right now. There's someone who's open to listening to me now I guess, pero ayoko na magsalita kasi I'd only feel like a burden to her. So I'll just keep talking to her at least. 

 Am I preganté or does God love me?? We shall find out in a week ahha

Your song. 

This too. 

I feel a little numb. 

Anyway there was this dress from an ukayan nearby and I felt like a Star Wars character or something kaso di siya kasya haha

Ge

What a weird and exhausting day. I'd tell you more about it, but I've been getting 2 consistent views on my blog lately, so it appears there's an unwelcome intruder here. Like, if I never gave you access here why are you so intrusive lol

The only one welcome here is that one consistent viewer Ive had on here for years, not this noob. 

Get off my space and get your own. 

 Had a bad dream today. Hinuhuli ako ng pulis, I was trapped insidemy Davao home. Papatayin nila ako, tapos andun yung officemate ko sa panaginip ko. Siguro kung hindi pa ako nagising baka umiyak na ako ulit sa tulog ko. 

 Had a talk with someone just now whom I upset over a joke I made. Anyway the conversation led me to thinking about what I'm looking for in a partner. I need someone I just like and whom I wouldn't have to make any huge adjustments for, someone whom I wouldn't have to uproot my whole life for just to be with. Or, since love is love, if I find someone whom I love so much that I'd want to change a huge part of my life for, at least someone I can have a goal with for the future. Of course, given na yung shared values. 

Ultimately, it still boils down to compatibility. This was brought on kasi I learned that there are people who seek love by looking for which necessities of theirs can be met by the other person. Baka ganun nga yun sa iba, it's none of my business. That's not my definition of compatibility kasi, and if it's theirs, then that's not an issue at all. At least I learned what doesn't work for me. 

 So I was craving cake di ba haha may nagdala sa work kanina hahahaha nakamenos pa ako tenkyu

Song! 

 A friend and I were messing around hanggang sa napunta yung usapan sa hindi pagbati kay Dennis Padilla nung mga anak niya nung Father's Day, tapos nagjoke akong batiin niya tatay ko.

Nakita ko yung Facebook ng tatay ko at naawa ako kasi nangangayayat na nga talaga siya. Kalbo na rin siya. To be fair, panot naman na talaga tatay ko for as long as I can remember, but he's never looked as old as he does now.

Kinuwestyon ko saglit yung sarili ko at desisyon ko, pero pinipilit kong hindi ko talaga kakayanin kung magkasama man kami sa iisang poder ulit. Hindi talaga.

I snooped around my dad's Facebook and saw that he still talks to my harasser. Nawala amor ko.

Naisip kong valid naman, baka hindi kakailanganin ng tatay kong kaibiganin yun kung siguro andun ako para suportahan siya, pero parang ang laking sakit sa ulo lang ng tatay ko. Di ko siya kakayanin. 

I'd be in danger too, if I stayed close to my father. I wish I wouldn't be. 

For some reason, I feel so unwanted.

Go away, Tin. 

Nagpa-reading ako recently ba:

A friend and I have been talking and haha natamaan ako sa sarili kong sinabi wow

Pero oks na yan. Ang ganda ng sinabi niya sa dulo. I'm reminded of how love works. 

I don't feel "sana all" vibes. I'm just in awe, as if I'm being reintroduced to the most basic of all basics that is love.

Man, that is love. 

Kahit parang gusto mong mantiris ng tao minsan, ang galing din ng ganito. Kasi palawak nang palawak yung isip mo, kaya mas palalim nang palalim yung nararamdaman mo. And ang galing.

Siguro, basta sinusubukan niya talaga laging ayusin yung issues niya, at lagi lang nating alalahaning magkakaiba tayo ng pace, na wag tayong magalit nga sa mga bagay na kaya natin pero hindi pa kaya ng iba, then the relationship won't be anything but stronger. Ang galing. Parang epiphany ba. Haha

Ok gnite

Song

 I want cake. Hirap maging mahirap . 

Ang funny sa panaginip ko ba sabi ng isang character, "Di ko maintindihan sarili ko bakit ang dami kong libro. Sino bang kalaban ko?" Hahahahha

And four views? Weird. 

May napagdesisyunan ako: I will go back on the dating scene pag nag 49kg timbang ko HAHAHHAHA hahahaa

I think I might be positive for COVID haha buti na lang the symptoms aren't so bad. Hindi ako tinatrangkaso pero nung mga nakaraang araw parang lagnatin ako nun. Anyway, I'm trying to get tested. 

I also walked Bebu this morning. 

Sana mag WFH na me pls

Song

Another song

 Song!

It doesn't make sense that I'm this sleepy right now.

There's someone unwelcome here viewing my entries here lol tapos mumurahin ako bigla like why the fuck haha 

ayoko na lang replyan kasi what for 

anyway i wish they get off this space, it's not for them. 

anyway im so sleepy

idk why i dont feel like talking to my friends about my recent thoughts. i dont like talking to them about it anymore. anyway i feel so tired and drained i miss my dog bye

 Adventure! Nawala ko kasi susi ko, eh buti na lang may duplicate ako ng sa pintuan ng unit ko pero sa gate wala kaya inakyat ko gate namin. Hahaha tangina

Ive been eating ice cream a lot lately

Pakain ng client:

I feel so tired like my body's beat up

Song

You know, I still want to die. I really will do my best to die as soon as possible. Mag-iipon ako para ready na ako pag namatay ako and so I don't burden people, pero I'll just keep this between you and me. Ayoko nang ikwento sa mga kaibigan ko. Nakakapagod na rin. Ayoko na ring magdrama sa social media at ang futile. 

I don't even feel sad anymore at the thought. And at least di ba, hindi siya impulsive na decision. Paghahandaan ko na siya. Sa totoo lang, ang gaan sa pakiramdam isiping mamamatay rin ako. Magpapa-cremate na lang ako. Magsstart na akong mag-inquire for real once na pumatak ng 20k yung ipon ko. 

Life is shit, but the sunrise is always a great way to start your day.

 Also, peep my Doraemon shirt 

I have a new fav shirt now. Lol

I feel meh. Hope life is treating you well, stranger.

I am well-fed

Rainbow from this morning

Here's Bebu. Took her out for a quick walk this morning and bathed her. 

There is also this creep.

Your song.

Also your song. 

 

bakit ang dali lang para sa ibang magka love life? like parang makadama lang sila ng saglit na moment of weakness, di na nila kailangang maghanap? bakit sa akin wala at all lol i mean oks lang naman tbh, i think i'll just fuck it up if magkaroon man kaya ok lang na wala pero minsan gusto ko rin hahaha 

pinanood ko funny girl ni barbara steisand ba ang ganda ang gaganda ng mga movies niya actually. second streisand movie ko na to. pinanood ko na rin ang kakabakaba ka ba outdated na siya for me ahah korni na pero ampogi ni jay ilagan at grabe ang ganda ni sandy andolong at charo santos mas crush ko si sandy kasi ang girl next door niya si charo kasi parang crush ng bayan pa eh si christopher mukhang chickboy pero ang funny lang na in real life si christopher hubby niya haha

Am i destined for a life of solitude and sadness

Song  

 I've been so out of it lately. Sorry no song for you I've only been listening to SZA's ctrl deluxe ver.

So many thoughts again, but I'll just keep them to myself right now. 

Thanks for being here

Fucking hate cowards who can't speak their minds even when asked directly already. Eh di go ahead FO kung FO. 

Whatever I'm feeling now, I need to manage on my own. If anything happens to me, idk kung saan ko pwede iwanan aso ko. 

I have people I can ask, pero saka na lang pag desidido na ako. I wish I didn't reveal so much about myself to you sometimes, so that I wouldn't worry about you trying to stop me in case. But here we are... 

It's just that I don't feel like I'm still living a life anymore. 

I know everyone is busy living their own lives, but wow, I feel so alone. It's true. Even if I survived another attempt, therapy can't help me. I can already see how things will go if I went back. 

Alam mo, nakaka-sad konti na yung mga taong gusto mo sanang magkaroon ng pakialam sa'yo eh wala talagang pake. I'm sure they'd even be happy if I die. I took this attachment theory exam and there was a question about whether I agree that I worry if people don't care for me as much as I care for them and I disagreed because I don't need to worry about something I've already confirmed as the truth. I'm more hurt than worried. 

It does get better. I can vouch for that even with everything I feel right now, but the pain doesn't hurt any less. Some parts of your life do get better, growth DOES occur, but it hurts just the same.

I can name a list of the good things in my life.

Bebu's skin has improved.

The color of the walls in my room aren't as horrible as it used to be. 

I'm glad I have been able to feel as deeply as I do for Ryan.

I'm glad for the people in my life.

But I still want to die. 

When it strikes, it hurts just the same.

I guess I got sidetracked from the truth that my whole life is nothing but a time to accept my end. 

I wish to know about the cheapest options available for coffins, funerals, that way I don't burden anyone once I do die. Tbh, if pwede lang mag-Magnifico na lang and build mysf a coffin of plywood, I'd have no issue. Nothing matters anymore about a dead body. Heck, I've thought about what if a necrophiliac does something to me and it wouldn't matter anymore at this point. Wala nang halaga ang dangal para sa patay (this is just me).

Is Magnifico-ing a viable option? 

Okay, I've done some research. It's best I die in Calaca where my father can file for burial assistance sa munisipyo. Hopefully, my employer also reports my death so I can claim my funeral benefits from SSS. That's 40k max din, hopefully more. 

Coffins can be for 5k lang. Tbh, willing akong masali na lang sa mass burial. 

I just realized tho, when I do die, none of the people in my life now would be able to visit. Lol. Just goes to show how much people I really have in life. If I were to have a funeral, it would be with people whom I don't know very well. It's a lonely thought, but it is what it is. 

I guess I need to be super frugal. 

You know what's funny? I was starting to read again yesterday. 

 I was thinking kaninang umaga ba about how I only get 5 hours in a day for myself? Kasi in the 24 hours that a day has, 11 hours of it go to work—this would already include the commute and preparing beforehand. This leaves me with 13 hours, and 8 hours already go to sleeping (supposedly). I am left with just 5 hours, and what can you do with 5 hours? And if I did extra chores, then what I am left with?

Sometimes, I wish there were more than 24 hours in a day but deep down, I know my human body can only handle so much. And time is really all I can freely give. Other times, I wish time didn't exist, or that the day had less hours. 

Sabi nga, humans are walking contradictions. 

 I thought you were never coming back

char clingy yarn

Look at this fucking list

I wanna write, I wanna read again. I opened my epubs. I'm thinking of reading again, maybe before I watch Secret Sunshine. 

Do I see myself making a career out of it? Not so much. Do I still wanna make time for it? I wanna try to find the time for it at least.

A friend said I'm not any less deserving of love because of my past mistakes. I hope she's right. 

hehe

 natatawa ako kasi may twt acct ako na di ko na ginagamit tas hehe ang name ko dun, tas ganito email notifs ko kakacheck ko lang haha

*hehe

burnout is not a myth. i wish it were. :< sabi ni reyn iwasan ko raw yung ugali kong mag-self isolate, pero ang hirap. 

why do i hold the reins to my life? i wish my life was already written and all i need to do is live it nahihilo ako at the moment, i cant function

 The room is spinning.

What a delicate song. 

Cute song.  Lol

funny meme

I don't remember the last time I truly enjoyed a meal

 Song

 Your song. Love u

I miss you pala lol this doesn't end in death

I feel lost right now, but like someone said, feeling lost makes room for further growth. This is a time to redirect and steer myself to where or who I should be. 

I'm not at my best right now, but life is okay. 

 I saw a TikTok about blindness and now here I am practicing what's it like to be blind. 

song

 My dog wanted to lick me and I was singing her a song.

Our tongues ended up touching 🥲 PAIN

She's so adorable we've been sleeping together a lot lately. Here she is yesterday:

Here she is this morning:

As I was about to leave the house for work, it started to pour and so I went back to get a jacket, and I hurriedly grabbed yours. You know which one—the windbreak jacket I haven't returned? 

And so today was about you.

Also got a reading. 

Another reading:

Is it alright to long for love despite knowing you're not ready for a commitment? The confidence I had from earlier this year is gone.

Your song.

Also your song.

Will timing ever go my way? 

At ano nga ba ang konsepto ng personal space?

I was planning to get my booster shot today. I've been postponing it since the weekend, actually, but I feel like shit (like physical health-wise). I'm thinking it's because I binge-watcyed two kdrama series yesterday and slept at 3pm + this sleeping aid I've been taking. 

Even nicer thing someone has said to me for the week:

I’m not gonna lie—obviously, I prefer to remain self-reliant over these kind of feelings, but it's nice for someone to say this. 

 I'd wonder about who you are on a regular day, but I feel my soul getting sucked dry.

Now, I'd like to think of myself as a rational and logical person, despite my emotions sometimes getting the best of me, but even so, there are mistakes I don't defend myself from. And even more so, there are mistakes my friends cannot defend me from. I think this is one of those. I wonder why I always need other people to defend me from myself, to hold myself high. Idk where I'm going with this. 

Your song, maybe. 

I think of you sometimes to quiet down my thoughts. 

 Maybe I should stop pining for these things and spend my days in remorse for all the mistakes I've done. I'm not sure if I deserve that, after the things I've done. I want to be good, really, but records say otherwise. So maybe I don't. 

 

I have been feeling a lot like shit lately. This is the best thing anyone's said to me for the week. I cannot really share my actual thoughts to people, kasi I don't think anyone understands. I'm either too much or too weird for them. They call me a sad girl for my feelings. I feel like shit. I feel like shit. I feel like shit. Nothing is making sense right now. 

Hope you're ok. Your song

 A lot of my memories don't seem real. I don't understand how I got to where I am now. It doesn't make sense that I still exist. I feel so disconnected. 

 I wonder who my dog would be in another life or another universe. Maybe she'd have gotten bad karma for chewing up half the shoes on my shoe rack. Maybe then she'd be some sort of version of me out there. Maybe we'd have switch places and she'd be the one bearing this bittersweet feeling I carry right now.

And so, in this life, in this universe, I'll give her one of my shoes to chew on sometimes... Anything but the tissue roll.

I'll let her lick my chin or whichever part of my face she feels like every once in a while. I'll let her linger around me and give her the attention she wants sometimes, hoping it alleviates whatever sadness she could be feeling in another world or another life.

I wish to be a better mother to her than the only one I've known. 

 I was supposed to meet with some people from a friend group I've sort of grown out of and then may nirereto sila sa akin supposedly but the guy declined because of what he heard about me.

It is true. I hooked up with a guy who was courting someone else.

I don't think I harassed the guy, para maging ganito ako ka-ruined. And bakit ako lang yung condemned and vilified?

Ayun lang for today's video.

Sabi ni Airene:

Sana nga. Sabi niya may kilala siyang kinasal nga eh tapos masaya naman. 

 I feel like I'm shrinking. Not at my best atm

 I have to say, a friendship breakup stings a lot more than all romantic fallouts combined because they're people you truly, purely like and it's like getting punched in the gut out of nowhere. 

I don't think of this every second, and I don't dwell on it so much, but it's there.

Minsan iniisip ko paano pag nadeads na magulang ko. Di pa ako ready sa ganong klaseng gulo. sa totoo lang, bata pa lang ako witness na ako lagi sa gulo—quarry, tenants, etc. I worry their demise would ruin the (more) peaceful life I've made for myself. I hope not. Sa totoo lang, mas gusto ko pang magkanya-kanya na lang kaming tatlo. 

"I find myself in contempt of my own feelings."

Bakit nga ba? Bakit ang hirap i-acknowledge ng vulnerability natin hahahaha

I might've sent this already, but it's the song for the day still ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A summary of what's up:

- I lost a friend. No she didn't die. We just drifted apart and she wouldn't tell me what's up. This is Adi. And I thought we'd be in each other's life for a long time.

- I voted, and I don't like the unofficial election results

- I deactivated my IG as well because Mother's Day is a pain

- I lost that new friend I started speaking to

- I drunk messaged a workmate who I sometimes like and sometimes don't.

It's the first three that hurt the most. 

I recreated Mikay's recipe last time. That's just hotdog and ketchup.

Bukas I'll cook all my potatoes. Aadobohin ko.

I feel numb tbh. 

 proof of life 

 Dreamt two days ago that Bebu gave birth to 3 pups lol 

Song!

Someone asked how I've been feeling recently, and I thought I was okay, that I just need to get back to watching my kdramas for my fluff fix, but I realized after watching a few eps of My Liberation Notes that I'm only okay because I hide within my routine. If I didn't have anything to do, I'd lose it for sure. Because right now, despite having something to do, I still don't feel okay. I don't feel like crying, but I feel dead. I constantly get up at 7:15 PM against my will, and work is at 8pm. I've started eating a lot again. I feel bloated lately. 

Clingy alarm clock. But a cutie. 

I've looked up yoni massage, someone is offering that kind of service for free, but I'm not sure if I should take part. 

One part of me thinks it might be just what I need to let go in terms of sex, but another part of me thinks I should just keep to myself for now and not get physical with anybody solely for the sake of fulfilling empty desires. 

I haven't made up my mind yet. 

One more song. 

I really feel drained and sad lately.

 I feel sad. 

My current favorite.