Fav song atm

 What a life. 

In all the times na may hindi kami pagkakaintidihan ni Matt, I have nothing negative to tell him. Swerte ko talaga sa kanya. 

I wonder if he still wants me. 

I need a new hobby to enrich my mind and keep off these thoughts from my head. 

I don’t know what to do anymore.

All can I think of are ways to kill myself. And that I really, really, really want to die already. I don't see a future for myself. I don't see things ending any other way. I'm super mean. I'm an asshole. I'm brash.  I'm impulsive. I don't know half the things I say, and yet I still say them. I'm a waste of space. 

I say I'll clean up after my clothes, and my clothes are still where they are months after months. Next thing you know, it's almost been two months already. My clothes are on the floor or in the laundry bag more often than they are in my drawers. 

I see myself in these garments that are strewn everywhere, just searching for their sweet spot in this shoebox of a space I've created for myself. I am also this shoebox, its walls splattered with a dark shade of grey I cannot maintain, but insisted on against my landlord's wishes for the sake of identity, as well as to replace their careless choice of green. 

This is currently my favorite song.

I like these poems. 

Bibigay na ako, parang nauupos na ako. 

Fuck, just give me a good job or please may my employment status be solid/stable. I will look into finishing my degree. I need to graduate to qualify for stuff. Like, experience-wise, I can qualify for many things. It's that I haven't graduated that disqualifies me. Ok. Before this year ends please.