Rome

 ... but not all roads lead to you.

I don't know anymore...

People ask for help.

But I don't get the point in doing it if there are other people who survive without seeing a shrink. Maybe I can be like that.

Do I really need it? Nag-iinarte lang ba ako?

I always want to die. Or am I just acting because it's everywhere. Now, everything does feel pointless and if I self-diagnose myself based on whatever I see on the internet, there are symptoms that match up. But, hey, it's not like I've witnessed an accident like **** did. Or got sexually abused, like a lot of my friends.

There are people I know who use their conditions like a crutch, for personal gain. I don't want to be like that, but what if I turn out like that?

I have a fucked up family, but then again, so does everyone else.

So I don't know.

***** looks like he has really bad episodes of depression and anxiety. I don't think mine's that bad.

Maybe I'm really just normal.

Apparently, you can get sleeping pills without a doctor's prescription for 200 pesos sa Watson's?

I'm scared that if I buy sleeping pills, baka dumating sa point na mag-overdose ako dun, kasi may access na ako eh. But I need it. It's always difficult to sleep.

I feel utterly dumb. I'm nothing now. I'm nothing.

I thought that I can let loose, that I may be not as despicable like I think I am, but really, this is the truth.

I want everything to stop. Should I believe in a god? Is there really a point to it? Or does it just shift the responsibility or blame from yourself to a deity that isn't even completely proven to exist (yet?)

Was I ever happy, and not just in fleeting, stolen moments? Was I ever truly happy? I don't remember. If there was such a time, I'd want to go back and just stay there.

I don't care about the present anymore. I stopped caring a long time ago, but it just feels so wrong. I wish I truly cared enough for me to give it my all. But I don't.

If I lost anyone close to me, I'm sure I'd cry, but I'd also probably move on a few days after and think to myself that everyone dies. I wish I could mourn and hurt deeply.

You said I'm trusting to a point where I am easily taken advantage of. Maybe I am. Am I kind? Am I evil? I don't know anymore.


I feel like a sandwich floating on outer space, so out of place.


Ari Lennox's Whipped Cream is my current favorite.