No one talks about how the first date after a breakup is painful.
The guy and I never even discussed where exactly we'll meet up. That was one red flag. Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach. I'll probably be ghosted. I'm not surprised; I'm not pretty or hot or substantial enough.
"I feel like shit. I think I'll just walk home for a bit and then go home in a few," I told him on Messenger. I spent more than an hour of travel to his province, and god, I wish I stayed true to my word and ditched him. Instead, I bought gin bilog and mixed it with apple juice. The guy even wanted me to go to where he is, to think I already went all the way to Lucena from Alabang.
I went there expecting to hang out with a new friend. I've always been game to go out of my way for friends, so that wasn't anything special, but god, iba yung nagagawa ng alak at lungkot, ano?
Red flag # 2: he'd never say anything about himself. The sob stories, okay lang. I have a guy friend I've gotten drunk with on multiple occasions and never made out with, and although he hasn't shared some of his stories to me, I still know enough about him that I can safely assume that we really are friends. But this guy? Some stories, he'd lie about. I don't know anymore what's true or not.
But there were good moments.
It was nice making out in the sea, I didn't have to feel insecure about my weight there. It was nice to cuddle in the sand, but it was messy. It was shitty to cry in the middle of the night, but it was nice to be cuddled afterwards. The biting was cool, so was the slight choking. I didn't know I'd like that.
It wasn't nice when he just couldn't wait to split up the morning after. I would've understood though. I really just wasn't expecting a hookup, so hindi ko na-orient sarili ko kung anong dapat kong gawin. I even asked to eat breakfast with him, because I was hungry at the time.
Then he says, "This is going to be a bad day." He continues bitching about the sand getting everywhere. I started doubting myself. I get it, I'm fat, pero was I that horrible the night before? Siguro. Idk. I don't want to know. It wasn't the best sex din naman. I'll be better.
Siguro masyado lang akong sensitive. God, last time I hooked up with guys I had no plans of being serious with was 2017? Lol puta. Fucking three years ago. Pero I was being self-destructive then. Ah, narealize kong medyo BS nga 'tong lalaking 'to.
Mag-Cebu daw kami. Easy for you to just quit everything with your Tommy Hilfiger shirt and Coach bag. He's not too far from my ex. I regret giving him my email address so we can talk while I'm at work. I only did that kasi na-bother ako nung nag-message siya na parang nalungkot siya or something. Ako tuloy nagmukhang masyadong may pakialam.
Okay lang. I just wish I can remove him from my Messenger contacts.
I should not get too close again with anyone.