I forgot to say but another person called me their happy pill, like contagious daw laughter ko. Umm, I feel a bit self conscious kasi I'm not sure if they're being sarcastic or genuine kasi alam ko namang kapintasan ko ang kaingayan ko.

If it was sincere, then that's nice of them to say.

Maybe there's nothing wrong with sitting down with my feelings and admitting that I really felt deprived and starved sa relationship ko. Nothing against my ex, I just tolerated things that I didn't want. Binalikan ko last call namin, and I remember wishing he doesn't give up on love habang ang sabi niya sa akin eh mas maging parang assertive ako about the things I want... Things which I've told him about right off the bat.

I want to be treated like a girl, yun lang. I think I'm low-maintenance but I still want to feel like a girl. Nakita ko 'tong Thread na 'to and boy do I relate.

Nag-install ako ng TikTok para sana sa liveselling ng officemate ko kaso nakita ko following list ng ex ko, puro mga babaeng ma-boobs. Napakasagwa dahil nakita ko yan haha pero in a way, I feel validated na I made the right decision. Tangina, buti nga nakipaghiwalay ako. Wala na talagang balikan 'to.

I've been doing surprisingly well these days. I really must've checked out of the relationship before we even broke up.

Pero ikatlo kasi, nakita ko cringe kong videos na ginawa FOR FREAKING WORK. Awat na please.

In other news, I guess I life'd today

Obviously, I didn't play but it was still fun to watch. Ang admirable ni Erika for being so open to life and to experiences, and for not being afraid to look stupid for the sake of trying. I wish I could get over my complex haha 

I feel a bit sad kasi wala akong bday plans. I've lost touch with most of my friends outside work and I only have a few friends from work na genuine and pwede kong dalhin in real life.

Sucks.

I have to be okay with myself.

Letting you in on a little secret—ang high school ng vibe ng utak ko today kasi I've been thinking, Ah, I have to be careful not to stare too long so no one finds out about this silly crush.

Kailan kaya matatapos ang fixation na ito? I need to stop feeding the delusion.

Song on repeat today

 It just clicked – my Saturn return is kicking off.

Stumbled upon this on Threads which made me realize it'll take a while before I open up again the way I did with Matt 🤣 Highly doubtful I'll be dating around next year 

I wish I could sell myself like that. I just don't find myself attractive. Am very happy for them. I've had my time, had a good four-year run. Oks na siguro yun. For now. As for when I feel the need to be totnak-ed, it shall pass. 🤷 It's not like it was ever frequent when I was committed, so I'm sure I'll live. 

Napapaisip ako how I survived the last time I was single.

Seeing older women thrive brings me so much hope and makes me believe I have a chance at a better life.

 Got invited to another christening 😔 oh my gosh im so old 🫣