Y'all relentlessly teased me about my middle name way back ang galing naman how u just casually drop it on a Facebook post as if it was just nothing and now u cant take a hint.

I'm going even more broke this month ugh

Since I can't live for myself, maybe I can try being better for the people and friends who still believe in me despite everything. 

Pero stoko lang naman talaga ng kakantutan tapos tatanungin ko kung Rebisco ba siya kasi ang sarap ng filling niya 😩😩

 I could use a friend right now, but I'm trying to keep this shit to myself. Friends aren't therapists. Of course, they'll say they'll always be there and of course, they'll try, but they have their own lives. I have to learn to stop sharing things. I need to learn to be private. Stop oversharing. No one gives a fuck. Besides, this is just very petty, just a blow to my ego. I feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone and that it's so hard for people to love me, or even like me, because I'm a fucking shitty person. I don't have anything going for me, I'm bland. I'm shallow. I want to die, honestly. I really don't see any point in still existing.

I was doing better, but god.

Why am I not pretty, for fuck's sake. Or just something about me that's likeable and not annoying. I feel like shit and I'm not even drunk. I'm not even the mood to drink. The internet connection is shitty, too.

I don't feel like crying, and even if I do, I'll try my best not to.

I feel like deleting myself from the world right now even kahit digital lang. Twitter doesn't feel like a safe space anymore. Parang itong blog eme na lang.

I mean sure, do I actually have the energy for a romantic entanglement right now? Not really, but I'm willing if I like the person enough, but that's not guaranteed. Pero ang sakit ma-reject ha. Grabe. I ALREADY FUCKING KNOW I'M N PRETTY BUT AM I THAT Appalling? Repulsive???? I USE LOTION AND BATH SALT NAMAN, NAGSISIPILYO AKO, GRABE NAMAN??

Bakit ba laging resort ang dying when shit doesn't work out. Where do I go. How do I come a better person.

Am I not womanly enough? I really just want to be good enough. I'm trying. 

 man i feel like shit i wanna close myself off from the world

 hi

so for the nth time, ive been friendzoned which wouldve been fine by me if only it wasnt for more than the 5th time and i know the friendzone is something that is 80% non-existent pero good lord, bakit ako bestfriend ng bayan? lmao eto na nga yung sinasabi kong hindi talaga ako tao eh pero god i just hate that it appeared i was starting to open up only to be crushed like that, natapakan lang pride ko ng very light nakakainis. okay fine. i did think there was a bit of potential in this one, all it needed was patience. 

anyway im at work right now (obvi) and i can't breathe well i dont think my dress or bra is too tight. it could be caffeine kasi i had coffee before leaving the house for work and i also downed another mug when i arrived at work but idk this isnt how it usually goes and hays

u lose some people talaga eh ano hays

more time for myself i guess and besides i have my good friends i know i do

wala lang

idk i just wanna be good

also i have a plant na (yay) mukha silang matamlay ahahaha pero i hope mabuhay sila and magmukhang malusog in a few days

 Hi pls make shit work 

 Ok I'm really sad

While I'm perfectly aware that my self worth is based on me, times like these make me feel like I'm worth nothing but a hookup. I just wanna be loved haha fuck Ill be better I'm tired. I still wouldn't mind getting run over by a ten wheeler I'm too lazy to cook I feel like shit. Is it the alcohol? Probably

I have my friends my friends are awesome but I'm still so sad I wanna be gone I can't do anything. I'm dumb and stupid and not good enough for anything so fucking sad and while I'm aware whatever mistakes I've made are in the past and that I should forgive myself it's so hard I hate hate hate hate

It's so weird why I feel like this. I called out my ex bc he can't be alone, and now I'm feeling like this I hate it,, come be with me,,

I wish I could hurt or kill myself 

:))) hehe hays I wanna be good :)) 

 

Naninibago ako kasi I'm trying to talk to bike guy daily kaso wala naman akong masabi kundi the most mundane things like how my day is. I don't know how to flirt for shit. I don't know if I'm doing things right. 

Naalala ko lang din yung ginawa ko last December and I know I'm the one in the wrong so I shouldn't be feeling like I'm the one victimized because I clearly wasn't. I feel like I was such a slut. They've both blocked me, and that's sad, because we're supposed to be good friends. I had the choice to avoid it from happening, but I willingly put myself in that situation. 

I think if in case this shit with bike guy progresses into something good, I might fuck it up lang. I'm scared din na he'll look down on me when he finds out about the shitty things I've done. Sabi ng iba kong friends, yung mej ka close ko sa work, I don't need to tell guys everything. I don't want to open up sa kanya about the shit I've done before kasi we're taking it slow, and sure, I'd like to give that a try since showing everything abt me has never worked, based on my dating history.

Man I'm scared. While I hope this shit works out, I'm scared of it at the same time.

And I'm aware ang advance kong mag-isip, but idk. It's so scary. I keep wondering why the guy is still around. Yeah.

I want shit to work. I should stop the self-sabotage, ano?

I want to be good, too, you know? I want to stop thinking I'm a shitty person and start accepting instead that shitty things happen. And that when I do shitty stuff, I have the choice to let go of what's happened and just learn from it.

I want that. 

I want to know what I want to do and what career I want to have, and where I want to retire, and what my dream house would look like, and be good and stable enough to have kids, and give enough love.

I just want to amount to something and be good enough for something, be good. Find my place in this world. YUCKS.

Hi

Lord tabang I'm scared I'm scared I hope shit works for me