I could use a friend right now, but I'm trying to keep this shit to myself. Friends aren't therapists. Of course, they'll say they'll always be there and of course, they'll try, but they have their own lives. I have to learn to stop sharing things. I need to learn to be private. Stop oversharing. No one gives a fuck. Besides, this is just very petty, just a blow to my ego. I feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone and that it's so hard for people to love me, or even like me, because I'm a fucking shitty person. I don't have anything going for me, I'm bland. I'm shallow. I want to die, honestly. I really don't see any point in still existing.

I was doing better, but god.

Why am I not pretty, for fuck's sake. Or just something about me that's likeable and not annoying. I feel like shit and I'm not even drunk. I'm not even the mood to drink. The internet connection is shitty, too.

I don't feel like crying, and even if I do, I'll try my best not to.

I feel like deleting myself from the world right now even kahit digital lang. Twitter doesn't feel like a safe space anymore. Parang itong blog eme na lang.

I mean sure, do I actually have the energy for a romantic entanglement right now? Not really, but I'm willing if I like the person enough, but that's not guaranteed. Pero ang sakit ma-reject ha. Grabe. I ALREADY FUCKING KNOW I'M N PRETTY BUT AM I THAT Appalling? Repulsive???? I USE LOTION AND BATH SALT NAMAN, NAGSISIPILYO AKO, GRABE NAMAN??

Bakit ba laging resort ang dying when shit doesn't work out. Where do I go. How do I come a better person.

Am I not womanly enough? I really just want to be good enough. I'm trying.