Goal ko in life maging personification ng salitang YEHEY.

Ang dami kong kwento sa'yo, but it's been very busy lately that I've become even more sleep deprived. I guess let's start with the most important thing is that I've decided to get over it—I will not explain myself, maybe not for now. If you don't get the context e di lol. Hope the weekend comes already.

is it weird that the imagery of sleepless nights, messy hair, darker eyebags, cozy clothing, rushing to a location for work excites me? i want to graduate and really be in the creative industry somehow. i looked up line producing and i dont understand why Ryan recommended this when the job requires more than communication skills... im scatterbrained as fuck. 

lol

but it's interesting. 

im so excited pag natapos na yung sa pag organize ko. 

im gearing towards getting the following:

bed frame - done (i opted for a pallet bedframe) 

electric fan 

floor lamp - im still deciding and looking for smth cheap

kitchen table - im still sourcing shit

couch - im still talking to people

center table 

im so excited to show you how my place is gonna look once everything is done!!! here's how it looks like so far:

i also wanna buy a comforter. i really make my place cozyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy and with dim lighting!!!!!!! <3333

Honestly? I realized yesterday that I actually don't feel okay. Adi is right; moving sucks. Even when

you're moving towards something good, it's always going to be a hassle. But the thought that I have to remain composed and on top of my shit overcame this feeling of sadness. I'll let myself feel sad some other day, when I have the time for it. Right now, I don't. 

I don't love you any less, and I still miss you, and I'd like to believe I'll have luck or something, anything on my side next time, but I have a lot of other shit to think about first. And I'm happy to be doing things for myself, despite the stress and the hassle. Hirap kaya maglipat as a fixed sign. CHAROT. Nilamon na ako ng astrology. 

Thank you for still being here :) I wish I could hear your stories too, but I just want you to be okay for the most part. 

today, let's not settle for a song and go for an entire album instead :) my favorite song/s from there would be january, a mirror for two voices, simple moon, and stranger to yourself :) 

Ganda rin lyrics nito.

secret na lang natin

 

 https://youtu.be/5l195IBut-s

https://youtu.be/ScLF6dwvMTo

natatawa ako today, convos for the day:

eto pa:

wakakakka pero to further elaborate, alam mo ba, when adi and i had a few drinks, it made me realize things from a different perspective, about how no matter how drained i may seem, i always have something to give, tho ayun nga, at my worst, i do it at my expense, pero now that i have enough love to go around, ang ganda niya. na kahit akala mo upos ka, hindi pala talaga nauubos ang love. there will always be something to go around. so ayun ang galing. kaya i dont see what im doing as stupid tbh. mahal ko si ryan and yun na yun. 

also as indicated on my twitter name NAKUHA KO ANG FUCKING NBI CLEARANCE KO WAHAHAHAHHA

congratulate me yes

Also I looked hot kanina hehe

also god i took a quick nap at work today and i was so bothered bc i dreamt someone was playing w me (non wholesome) and so i let out a moan and it was recorded by our IT dept and played in the office and sa dream ko nagising daw ako na i was playing w myself kasi nga naturn on daw ako sa dream na someone was playing w me pero dreamception pala kasi sa waking world ko (real waking world), naglaway lang ako feel ko sa side ng bibig ko e HAHAHAHA

 I love MS Excel:

Look at how pretty the colors are!!! I really love excel haha

I've had this entry on pending for the longest time, bc i felt like I cant speak to you. 

Alam mo, ive been trying to keep myself from thinking of you, pero bakit ko ba kailangang irestrict sarili ko? wala naman akong inaapakang tao, hindi naman ako nanghihimasok, hindi ko naman pinagpipilitan sarili ko. responsable pa rin naman ako sa buhay ko i think hahahahahaha pero di ko pa rin naaasikaso NBI ko 

sana okay ka lang. 

i dont love you any less. 

EDIT!!!!!!!!!!!

usto ko lang naman jumebs pero bakit ganoin nakasalamuha ko rin ang GM namin awit !!!!!!!! and she said she was the one who told ainge to hire me back.........................................................................

idk what to say...................

and she said something along the lines of being a good fit for their company...................................

thoughts have been thunk

i still have plans

maybe i do have a guardian angel bc no matter whats been going on my life is ok and i am ok

**

also theres a guy at work who is being weird to me and anj kasi he keeps lying about his age tapos it's u that i still think of like walang panama mga tao sayo HAHAHAHAHA

alam mo di ko inexpect lang na kahit yung ugali ko pag nangungukay ako ganun pa rin pala ako sa tao hahaha kasi nasanay akong i fuck up all relationships, romantic and otherwise, tapos kasi ugali ko na pag may nakita akong damit na gusto kong kunin yun na yun hanggang dulo HAHAHAH

hindi ka naman damit sa ukayan pero ganun ka sa akin

anyway ayun nga ang weird niya, iba ka pa rin. ure literally the best luv u

alam mo for a quick moment when i had a few drinks over the weekend, i told adi na what if i kissed u when i had the chance and then i realized yeah i shouldnt have because if i did we might not even be talking anymore now. 

divine fucking timing lang talaga. 

gusto kong bumili ng crystal, yung blue apatite. 

akala ata ng mga tao im hard at work here pero nagtatype lang ako dito sa diary ko HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA pero srsly eto na magwowork na ako hahahahah 

u know why i havent been talking much abt work? it;s bc i feel so incompetent and it was only yesterday that i let it out, and turns out, i told the right person about it because:

i nonchalantly (or so i think) thought out loud abt how i feel w my new job and she messaged me sa slack lang after we returned to our seats (we were talking sa restroom kasi) 

hays, theres something to be thankful for every single day. 

i love music so much, and i hear you in every song that plays. you are still all the songs in the world. 

I love you just the same. I heard that song yesterday, and I just want to share it with you. Cute, e. Hahaha. 

AJ fed me nung nakaraan pala:

And Adi sent me this:

 IDK what to do tbh I wanna leave and go home but I can't leave Adi alone 🥲

 Nagka heart to heart talk kami ni Adi anr it's sort of remindrr mr wbt shot much I wnwna die to ok lol

I went to Intramuros yesterday with Kassandra:

I had a bad dream about Bebu last night

I bought cake and scallops earlier today:

I've been singing all day;

https://wesingapp.com/user/609c94862d2c37883449/song/DDhoes8aKJTSv8lX-WhyTrytoChangeMeNow?lang=en&ws_channel=copylink&from_page=2299

Heheheheheh

Ryan you cannot be my TOTGA hindi pwede ayokong sa next life pa tayo. Mahal kita. Mahal kita, Ryan. 

I wanna kiss you!!!! 

I am drinking with Adi right now and she's reading me a poem she wrote for someone and I liked a line, "Ikaw ang walang kasiguraduhang sigurado ako" because Im sure about u but obvi there's still no guarantee hahahahaha I love u!!!!  I'm tipsy but I love u!!! 

 My dream was weird. I dreamt of a guy who isn't Ryan and all I can remember was how he seemed like the perfect guy, and just when I thought I couldn't be more in love with him, I then find out later in the dream that he's voting for Ka Leody, so. And then I woke up. Anyway, I look cute again right now. I will be going to Intramuros tomorrow, I think. I also got my backpay now! Yay. I will survive!

 

Ang masasabi ko lang ay I look so badass.

 

More updates later, I guess. Here's your song. 

I'm pretty rational, but some part of me tried to fight off this nagging suspicion that you DO love me too but you're just holding back. I can take the pain, but I need something to cushion me from it somehow. And that something would be a clear reassurance that you love me too, because after this, we're good. I don't even need us to be an item and while you don't want me to wait, I actually think I can. Someone asked me out (from Reddit 🤮), but I'm hardheaded as they come. You're the only fish in the sea, indeed.

I don't know why this is, and it doesn't matter anymore what or why this is, but I love just you.

It's not that I can't move on from you; it's that I don't want to? I really believe in this. 

I was just telling Adi's bf that it's not bad to have faith in the people who believe in them, to hold onto it until you can believe in things on your own... And I think, with you, I have this much conviction on this... If I'm really not being delusional, I hope you find it enough to hang onto this much faith I have for this until you can also believe in it yourself. Idk. Idk if things are making sense.

Some were saying maybe we can have a shot at it in another life, but something in my heart clenches at the thought, like it just feels criminally wrong to let this carry over to our next lives. I don't know why, but it just doesn't feel right. I KNOW HOW TO MOVE ON, but something in me tells me that I shouldn't from you. This has never come from me ever, but fuck, if fate was real, this would be it. That's how it feels for me. 

I know when to cut my losses, let go, and move on, believe me. I do not fear loss. But it feels criminally wrong to let go of you. It's hard to wait until the divine timing, and frankly, that's all I have at this point—that maybe when the time is right, then we can happen.

That's really all I have going for me, and yes, you're worth it, but it's hard. I wish you truly love me, and if you do, I wish you were clear about it. I can't with subtlety and subtext anymore. I'm only this firm and strong of a person because I don't like blurred lines, especially when their being blurred can be within a person's control. I've done my fair share of clearing up which is which, and you have said your part, and I know I could take it as my cue, but god fucking damn it, I'm still here.

And I don't feel weakened or burdened by this. What this does is just take me by surprise with how strong and intense my feelings are for you, and it helps me better understand the weight of my feelings.

Hindi ko 'to mababaling sa iba. I'm on firm ground, and it's firm as firm can be.

I've already lived out a future where you would remain my greatest love for this lifetime while you live the rest of your days with someone else, but it doesn't faze me. I've already accepted that fate. I don't think there's anyone else I'd want to be with if it isn't you. I love you this much. I can live alone with just my feelings, and I wouldn't call it a bad life.

I want you to know that I'm still here, and nothing's changed. Walang nabawas sa kung gaano kita kamahal. 

 I've grown to like mornings. Or really, maybe it's any time of the day that isn't crowded and the roads aren't congested like it is at 9AM or 8PM.

But I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Life isn't really so bad, but I feel so cranky. It was my father's birthday nung 12. 

I was going to order food online, but I changed my mind. Hindi naman pala talaga ako gutom nor do I really want anything. Or know what it is that I want. It's just become a habit of mine to treat myself to things like that, but I don't feel like it anymore. 

I was just speaking with Adi and idk. Im not really the expert on relationships. Or love even. I feel jaded about love. She has suspicions that Mark is cheating on her again. She also says theyre both sure of each other. Ganun ba talaga yun? Is it really part of love, having to do things you dont have to? Like calling your co-workers colleagues to make sure your partner didnt go elsewhere to meet a potential kabit? 

it felt like it just clicked. it felt like it was special. it made me want to believe, and that believing was enough. 

How can something youre sure of still make you feel sad? 

There. Thats whats been bugging me all morning. baka nga pinanghihinaan ako ng loob, and why not right? pero thats a good thing right? tama na nga to. im tired. im just tired of everything. its all me. im not gonna look outward. its all just me. im tired im fed up. 

i wish there was a formula to everything, maybe i really shouldve done better in math. the numbers are always definite. but with things we're made of? those you cant even fully grasp the concept of, theyre the terrifying ones, and the tiring ones tbh. 

i know i did say id leave it all to fate. true.

maybe this is part of the process.

im keeping the sad thoughts away, and id liek to think im doing a good job. i am. but it doesnt make me feel any less sad.

but its the right amount of sadness, just enough not to push me over the edge. i dont even feel like crying. i just feel tired. 

i wish things were better, but i can only wish. i wish for many other things, but then again, i can only wish for them. 

i have so many other thoughts, but ill have to get to work for now

did i ever say what it was i wanted? bc i never rly understood fully what it was until a few days after i confessed. all i really wanted was the reassurance that i was loved back, because that was all i needed. and yeah i got it, just not to the extent that i wanted to be loved back and i refused to understand it. maybe this is it. ill get better. 

But all the same, I don't think I love him any less either. 

 Tapos na period ko, eh, but I don't know bakit ganito. There are some I'd rather share to the person they're for, sorry. :) And I don't think I wanna keep what I'm feeling right now... So I'll just let it pass, I guess.

I discovered something funny about Bebu today. So she loves me unconditionally di ba? Pero naiirita siya pag hinihipan ko mukha niya, just like how she's scared of my blow-dryer. Lol. Pero siya ang lakas makabuntong-hininga sa mukha ko hahahahaha

I don't know what or who I exactly want to be in the future, but all I know is I truly want to be okay. And I think I am okay. But maybe today is just one of those days.

It's really nice that I don't have to talk to anyone or explain how work is these days for me. I don't have it in me to do so. I don't hate my job, not yet at least, but I'd rather not talk about it. But I appreciate Adi when she asked because I know she's only coming from a good place and I love her for it

 I think I want a Great Dane or a Bichon Frise. It feels good to sleep with my dog. Like her softness feels so greaat!! she's my stuffed toy. I worry about leaving her alone esp now that it's raining. I hope she gets by okay :( Im so excited to follow thru my plans ehehe i havent been feeling so ~live laugh love~ lately but im not feeling like a sadgirl either-- just that it's one of those mundane days maybe 

I wish to hear from you. 

I still havent taken care of my NBI clearance lol and i was supposed to this monday

An officemate told me my face DOES look less fat HAHAHA so yay! i keep thinking about my dog i want to eat something delicious but idk what exactly ive been craving cake but i already had ice cream and that fixed it. since idk what it is that i want exactly, magtitipid na lang ako 

 I think I feel a little down today. I can't move past Cocoon & Pagan Poetry.

Today is my father's birthday. He turns 60. I wish I weren't alone right now, but I'll be okay. I wish there was somewhere I could go now, but I'll be okay. 

I wish I could still write—and I can try—but I don't know where to start. 

You may not see this part anymore, because I literally just saw this post get one view, and I'm typing this part just now.

I missed you by a few minutes. Well, it's nice that you're there. Thanks. 

baka matawa ka ba. pero alam mo ba inisip ko paano pag ikaw yung nagkaroon ng receding hairline? tapos naisip kong mamahalin pa rin pala kita. SERYOSO YAN! AM I DOWN BAD? I AM DOWN BAD. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEN AND NOW IS I HAVE OWNED UP TO MY FEELINGS AND IM NO LONGER ASHAMED OF IT. 

I fully acknowledge how I feel for you and honestly? I like it. You may think it intense, but :) such is love ok gotta work na love u

I look great don't I?

+ Look at Bebu:

 Hehe u know I've been thinking of getting a 2BR place so I can convert one bedroom into a room where I can develop my film.....................

Idk. Just a silly and impractical thought, since I'm still not comfortable with having strangers see the things/ppl on my rolls 

Dump:

Radiohead's "True Love Waits" has been playing on my head for days now.

I love you.

I hope to love you like in Björk's Vespertine. 

"Being embarrassed in front of you is temporary, but I'd regret it forever if you misunderstood me."

 Ang aga mo naman today wow anw kalalabas ko lang ng work so ayun. Cute ko today di ba? 

Hindi ko pa rin naaasikaso ang NBI clearance ko lol im sorry lord why am I so lazy hahaha

About work... It's too early to say anything, pero di ko na titignan yung trabaho kundi yung sweldo na lang. Masaya na ako dun for now. Sana talaga may ma-allot na ako para sa mga plano ko. Nagtanong na rin ako sa landlady ko and may 1BR apartment sila na mababakante sa katapusan so yeheyyy! Di ako mahihirapan maglipat! Tapos baka mapakiusapan ko pang di na ako singilin ng deposit o kaya baka dagdagan ko na lang ng konti hehehe

Tuloy pa rin ang laptop. Unahin ko lang living space ko ok????  Hahaha. Once I've settled in dun sa new room then I'll get a laptop kahit di muna ako pakabit internet. I just find it amusing with how things are going, it's like nakalatag na lahat at ang gagawin ko na lang is take a step. The path is already there and I just need to walk.

EDIT 7:19PM

Speaking of walking, BEBU AND I HAD OUR FIRST WALK!!!!!!! OFC IT WAS CHAOTIC INIIKUTAN LANG AKO NI BEBU BUT ITS OUR FIRST TIME SO HAHAHA ayuuun I'm so excited sa time na masasanay na kami both. I want to develop this habit for us both hehehehehe

And it feels good to talk to Adi about how I feel about Ryan and not be called crazy for it. Like siguro, I find it crazy lang kasi I've never felt like this before. Pero I'm calm. I'm sure about how I feel. For some reason. I just have faith in it. And I'm not in a rush. Anyway nap muna ako before work labya 💖 

My life is really good. :) I hope yours is too. I feel so blessed.

Hi hehe

I failed yesterday's Wordle hehe

In other news, I've been reading up on the path of the bodhisattva and hmmm... Fascinating stuff. Funny rin pala na it took me like 3 hrs to realize I wore my skirt the wrong way. Yung likod nasa harap, eh may slit yun. Buti na lang for some moments, may coat ako so natatakpan pero may times na wala e. And yay I finally got my period too!!! Wala. I'm just happy na regular period ko hahaha

I don't get why coffee has been doing nothing but make me sleepy ALL the time 😢 e before I started drinking coffee again, ang tagal din ng time na di me nagcocoffee!

I like what I'm wearing din! Tho gusot yung coat eheh plantsahin ko tomorrow

What a crazy night that was.

So Aly posted a random and general reading and it made me think. 

Several parts of the post threw me off guard and made me second guess the decision I've already settled on Sunday evening. For a few hours, I was considering that I follow my heart and wait it out, go with the flow kasi I'll always love him, it seems, and even if I accept that we're just friends, I don't think this love would ever go away. There will always be some part in me where, the moment he does the slightest thing to indicate that maybe we could give it a shot or maybe if we'll still be this tight in the future and I see how different he treats me from the rest, I just might give in again. And honestly, at this point, I cannot draw the line anymore and see where being hopeful for a plausible future ends and where my stupidity and stubbornness begins. The disappointing thing is, I've always been able to discern the difference. 

However, Ryan is right—this shouldn't be reduced to a simple yes or no situation. I think this is more than that. So I guess, how I'll go about it is, yes, I will respect what he wants because yes, it's better not to lose him. I will not wait for him. I will not close my doors. I'll just focus on myself. 

For now, and as it has always been, I'll just continue working on myself. Maaga pa naman. We're still working on ourselves pa rin naman. May bilang ako sa buhay niya, siya rin sa akin. We're still in each other's lives. Masaya na ako dun. I'll let time do its thing. And tbh, ang gaan lang ng lahat. Natakot lang ako sa reading ni Aly kagabi kasi ang sapul ng parts na yun.  

But honestly? For some reason, I don't feel hurt at all. I don't feel like I'm being stupid either. Like, napag-isipan ko na talaga 'to, and for some reason which I don't know yet, I'm okay. It doesn't even feel like I'm going to have any regrets. I love him. And despite everything, I don't mind. It just feels light, like it's just something I do on the daily, like it's a part of my being. Don't get me wrong, hindi ako umaasa at all. Because regardless of what I feel, it would be a great disservice to both Ryan and to my integrity if I keep crossing the line after we've already cleared it up. Even if this feeling seems right, perfect, like it's the most natural thing to do. 

Love is infinite, but I'll just keep loving him like this until the very last drop, and if that doesn't happen, the most I can do is live my life and just let things happen organically.

For things beyond my control, I mostly leave it up to time, but I somehow have this certainty that our bond is something strong, and I'm convinced it's only going to grow into a better version each time. I don't even have any basis as to why I'm this convicted, but hey. :) I have faith in my judgment. My life is going well now, maybe that counts for something. 

I like this outfit!!!

Hello,

You may or may not be Ryan, but just the same, I appreciate you for sticking around. I'll tell you something kasi ang eventful ng Sunday ko (in a good way). Nakuha ko na Bebu!!! 

And hey, umamin na ako kay Ryan. Alam mo, life is good. I love myself wtfffffff hahahaha seryoso. I appreciate myself more na. Ang galing.

It started out as makalat and I got confused kasi baka super delusional ko at gusto ko talaga na mareciprocate niya. Grabe ang Athena she do be brave, she do be aggressive. Would you have the audacity to ask someone who's already rejected you once before and hasn't really done anything to clearly overturn that decision kung mahal ka ba nila?

"Mahal mo ako no?" wasn't even a question, pero parang chiding him to say yes. Like, I know your secret already so just say it to my face.

He doesn't like me like that, pero may bilang ako sa buhay niya. Ako ang best friend niya for real. Eto di na to delusional.

Masaya ako sa totoo lang, kasi di naman ako nagmahal para nga mahalin pabalik. Love is not finite. There will always be enough love to go around for everybody. :)

And I owned this confession, I have nothing but respect for myself!!

We talked for about 4 hrs. :) life is good 

I may have something more to share, but bukas na. I'm so happy in love na wala pa ako sleep for 24+ hrs na 🤣 so I'll call it a day na muna ok

 If today still doesn't push thru, all the deals we've ever made, I'll call them off. I'm a little fed up. So many plans weren't fulfilled. I don't see much benefit din naman moving in with others, para lang akong naghanap ng drama/kalat sa buhay ko when I don't have to. Okay lang naman ako mag-isa. I also wounded my toe kasi I was tearing off my skin. I've been doing it every night before going to sleep, idk why. I noticed I was doing it much more a few mins ago while I was feeling antsy about whether tuloy ngayon or hindi. I'm sleep-deprived, my cycle is drawing near, I haven't gotten a concrete answer, I don't think today is going to be a good day. 3am and I'm already this pissed.

I don't want to deal with people today. 

It's 4:39 AM, time check brought to you by me. And so ayun na nga, they just arrived. Honestly, it's not them being late that pissed me off, it's how they made me wait. Malinaw yung usapan na 4AM, so I did my part. I already started preparing at 3AM and I was just waiting on a fucking update, but I was left hanging. It's not my fault if they went out of town, but they made a commitment to me. That's what's pissed me off. Hindi ba valid yung inis ko? On top of it, this isn't the first time they didn't come through what they said. They might probably think I'm petty for being mad at them kasi they're late e di naman 'to work, pero may usapan kasi. Wala akong pakialam kesehoda nanggaling pa silang Ilocos so they had to drive far, because that was their choice.

May malinaw na usapan. The least they could do was give me a heads-up. :) Fucking call me petty for all I care. I can't make any more plans with you.

All deals prior this are off. I will not honor anything anymore. 

Nakaka-frustrate lang na idk what to do to calm my nerves. I'm not gonna subtweet, and the people I could normally vent to are her or aren't around anymore.

But I'm optimistic that this emotion will pass. 

They don't deserve an explanation why I'm mad, they don't even know why e. But I did anyway. May pinagsamahan naman kami. 

Okay, time check: 6am. Grabe pala talaga pag pinag-uusapan, 'no? I've straightened out everything with Adi. I wish I didn't have this horrible temper. Man. The wonders of communication. Pero in this context lang. I'm not doing anything about what I feel for that guy

But damn I truly feel bad for Adi I did wrong today. When I told her what made me upset, she didn't even get defensive she just told me what happened and boy was everything valid 🥲 what a day that girlie went thru na lang talaga 🥲 

Im truly glad I didn't give in to the urge of airing out my dirty laundry online but damn my attitude I need to work on this. My temper is just so so so terrible. Huhuhu. She didn't deserve it

She also hasnt acknowledged na we're ok na so I'm nervous din. But I understand whatever happens. 

If I can be honest tho, Im still unsure abt living with them kasi blah blah basta may reason pa hahaha pero I'm still waiting it out to see nga

Anyway, this weekend has made me want to buy a swimsuit and learn how to drive. My body isn't getting any thinner so I might as well wear a swimsuit while I still can lol and re: driving, I just want to try.

So many realization lang din. I don't want to need anyone anymore. I don't want to be at anyone's mercy. I don't want to adjust so much or have others adjust for me either. I just want to be left alone. I don't remember if I shared this here but someone said hindi rin daw maganda maging independent for a long time kasi mas lumalaki raw tendency maging mag-isa and maging manhid sa mga nagpaparamdam. Like honestly? If being alone means living in peace, I'll have that over and over instead. Lol. With the exception of someone I guess but I'm not asado anw. Chill lang. Naisip ko lang kasi ilang beses na ako natokis dito. E alam namang mahalaga dahil this concerns a dog whom I've been told has only gotten thinner. So like. That's a little alarming, isn't it? Additionally, iniiwan lang pala nilang nakatali sa labas yung aso. Naaawa ako.

I like this song and this played while I was on shuffle so yay.

Here's your song, baby?? (Edit: 5:50pm kasi I did smth I've been contemplating on for a while and I said smth there and I wanna delete this song reco but da lyrics do be good doe???)

TIL secondhand vapor isn't any better than smoke and these two are smokers/vapers so that's another reason not to live with them. I feel suffocated with the smoke tbh I don't feel good seeing all that smoke para akong masusuka 

(Cont. - 5:50pm edit)

Anyway as mentioned earlier sa insert ko diyan sa song part, I did smth big!! About love and feelings!! And! I! Am! Proud! Of! Myself!!!!

 

Documented na to.

So pag ako ang mauna, 20k + Nichol pag lalaki, Nadine pag babae. Pag si Adi ang mauna, 20k + Mikhail pag lalaki, Nichaela pag babae.

Hello, true love. Competitive ka ba? Kasi if you are like I am, baka naman pwedeng we can tone that down here. Hahaha. Char kala mo naman. Hindi talaga ako nagmamadali lol (srsly)

I'm pretty confident tho, mag-2 yrs na to sila eh. Tapos ako wala pang jowa. On top of that, I don't think I look like the marrying type. 

Also, Adi, in case you read this, I'm not a fan of taking care of people I shouldn't be taking care of. Like, oo with people you love it's already a given to care for them. No questions asked. Pero to baby them when they should already know better, that I'm not fond of. So if Mark likes babying you because it feeds his ego, it does nothing but annoy me hahaha so pls hahahah some stuff u should get checked for, pls do so. I'm not a doctor! I can't determine for u if ure hungry or if it's ulcer when ur tummy aches kasi that's your body???? Not mad hahahhaaha but i will make time for u when u need me on your side ayon lang 

Anyway alam ko, true love, na di tayo nagmamadaling magpakasal pero baka gusto mong jowain na ako aba o kaya magpakita ka na at maglahad ng iyong nararamdaman o kaya magpacute man lang baka rin CHAROT dahil di rin naman ako nagmamadaling magkajowa. Oks lang sa akin buhay ko now haha la ko pake haha which reminds me, Ill be uninstalling Tinder haha umay teh I didn't even talk to anyone there haha yaks I'm past that 

Ang cute ni rc waldun lmao

Ps. I'll leave my profile up just till Sunday. If I don't match or have a convo w anyone interesting, then I'll delete it haha

And hey, for whatever it's worth it: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

**

Adi and I have been talking about our old toys, grabe yung walk down memory lane. Pero nostalgia isn't really a place you stay in for long. Naalala ko lang how I have no documentation of  my past. Parang nabura lang buong childhood ko. And my memory is hazy and blurry. I mean, siguro what sucks is meron naman sana kaso my supposed family doesn't really give a fuck about my old stuff, photos, or maybe even me. Shrug.

One more song for you. 

I want a love like theirs hmp

Sad ako kasi di ko binili yung dress sa baba (may emoji kasi may misplaced fat na need itago pero kaya naman gawan ng paraan) ang ganda sana kaso di ko kinuha kasi ala naman ako paggagamitan???? It's a whopping 600 din teh. Well 400 if may discount tapos I got the pair of shoes sa taas hehehehehe for 144 php hehehe a fucking steal istg hehehehe

So eto rin: I agreed to live with Adi na and she's been looking for a house na. Naisip ko lang ba, parang di ako sure if gusto ko ba talaga? Parang gusto ko nga talaga lumipat ng matitirhan, somewhere mas maluwag nga for me and Bebu pero not necessarily live with her din idk haha nagkaroon kami ng heart to heart talk and about my reservations sa ganung set-up and hers din, and siya wala raw siyang issue pero she wants to live with me kasi gusto niya raw akong alagaan, and I didn't really think much about it the first time I heard about it but now that I have, parang ang off nga? Like sabi niya, anuman daw maging possible issue with having me as a housemate, she can shrug off naman daw and just think na she's living with a teenager (she explained herself—thinking of it now, doesn't this sound like she doesn't see me as an equal?)

Kasi sa totoo lang, I like how convenient my area is. May shortcut ako sa main road. Mabait naman landlord ko, may laundryhouse malapit, kasundo ko tindera ganon. May perks din naman talaga if may kasama ako sa bahay since may kasama na si Bebu (in case makuha na nga namin), may pwede na akong pakiusapan magclaim ng gamit ko, baka mas makatipid din ako sa grocery since para sa buong bahay naman na ang food per cutoff

If anything, kung lilipat man ako, baka dun na lang nga sa 5k na for solo person lang. 

Anw, as always, nasabi ko na kay Adi yang addtl concerns ko and settled na ulit hahaha damn ang dali lang pala ayusin ng mga problema sa buhay char haha pero totoo namang mas madali pa rin kung sarili ko lang iisipin ko so this better be worth it. Well in case naman di ko bet, I can always move out. Like I said, madali lang naman kung sarili ko lang iisipin ko.

Here's your song, dearest. I still like you lol I'm just pretty chill about it 

Sa true love ko:

 Char.

Naiirita ako onti sa kabatch ko sa training kasi namomroblema raw at maghi-hearing pa raw sila kasi nag-NCNS nga siya because apparently, the bald idiot didn't send in a resignation letter and I already advised him to. Even already gave him a format so like?? Now he's asking for help and asking for a format even when 1. there's Google for it, and; 2. I already gave him ALL the info he would need but he didn't bother apparently

Like bakit ako maghahalungkat para sa kanya kung siya nga mismo walang pakialam? Sinabihan pa nga ako ng pota na di niya raw need ng friend at sapat na ang meron siya? Like ok fine? So do I? But I found that you just accumulate people in your life over the years it's just a matter of how close you let each person in like ???

I reinstalled Tinder lmao but I'm uninstalling it kasi I don't have it in me to look 😒 kapoy uy hahahaha 

Ganda ng pic. Tamotsu Yato raw ang photog.

Here's your song for today.

Gusto kong panoorin ito but I'm scared lmao gusto ko rin panoorin yung Ma, same dir. And yung Fiction. na movie sa Neplix kaso scared nga hahaha 

How r u

Here's a pic of the Marcxs siblings: 

Make what you will of it.

Di ko pa rin naaasikaso NBI clearance ko lmao

I also checked my period calendar and kaya siguro ako bad trip over smth petty is bc my period is just 5 days away ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I've been reading some posts from this acct: instagram.com/firstbikeride

 

Nakakamiss yung pwedeng tumambay sa gabi tapos nag-uusap or nakatunganga lang haha

I came across a friend's advice. Old screenshot yan as in Samsung pa ata phone ko.

She do be right tho. Man I shall move on na talaga. I can do dis.

Happy ash Wednesday from our family to yours lol

Here's the song I like for the day hehe but this is my song for you hehe

Just living my best life hehe she thrivin or whateva