If today still doesn't push thru, all the deals we've ever made, I'll call them off. I'm a little fed up. So many plans weren't fulfilled. I don't see much benefit din naman moving in with others, para lang akong naghanap ng drama/kalat sa buhay ko when I don't have to. Okay lang naman ako mag-isa. I also wounded my toe kasi I was tearing off my skin. I've been doing it every night before going to sleep, idk why. I noticed I was doing it much more a few mins ago while I was feeling antsy about whether tuloy ngayon or hindi. I'm sleep-deprived, my cycle is drawing near, I haven't gotten a concrete answer, I don't think today is going to be a good day. 3am and I'm already this pissed.

I don't want to deal with people today. 

It's 4:39 AM, time check brought to you by me. And so ayun na nga, they just arrived. Honestly, it's not them being late that pissed me off, it's how they made me wait. Malinaw yung usapan na 4AM, so I did my part. I already started preparing at 3AM and I was just waiting on a fucking update, but I was left hanging. It's not my fault if they went out of town, but they made a commitment to me. That's what's pissed me off. Hindi ba valid yung inis ko? On top of it, this isn't the first time they didn't come through what they said. They might probably think I'm petty for being mad at them kasi they're late e di naman 'to work, pero may usapan kasi. Wala akong pakialam kesehoda nanggaling pa silang Ilocos so they had to drive far, because that was their choice.

May malinaw na usapan. The least they could do was give me a heads-up. :) Fucking call me petty for all I care. I can't make any more plans with you.

All deals prior this are off. I will not honor anything anymore. 

Nakaka-frustrate lang na idk what to do to calm my nerves. I'm not gonna subtweet, and the people I could normally vent to are her or aren't around anymore.

But I'm optimistic that this emotion will pass. 

They don't deserve an explanation why I'm mad, they don't even know why e. But I did anyway. May pinagsamahan naman kami. 

Okay, time check: 6am. Grabe pala talaga pag pinag-uusapan, 'no? I've straightened out everything with Adi. I wish I didn't have this horrible temper. Man. The wonders of communication. Pero in this context lang. I'm not doing anything about what I feel for that guy

But damn I truly feel bad for Adi I did wrong today. When I told her what made me upset, she didn't even get defensive she just told me what happened and boy was everything valid 🥲 what a day that girlie went thru na lang talaga 🥲 

Im truly glad I didn't give in to the urge of airing out my dirty laundry online but damn my attitude I need to work on this. My temper is just so so so terrible. Huhuhu. She didn't deserve it

She also hasnt acknowledged na we're ok na so I'm nervous din. But I understand whatever happens. 

If I can be honest tho, Im still unsure abt living with them kasi blah blah basta may reason pa hahaha pero I'm still waiting it out to see nga

Anyway, this weekend has made me want to buy a swimsuit and learn how to drive. My body isn't getting any thinner so I might as well wear a swimsuit while I still can lol and re: driving, I just want to try.

So many realization lang din. I don't want to need anyone anymore. I don't want to be at anyone's mercy. I don't want to adjust so much or have others adjust for me either. I just want to be left alone. I don't remember if I shared this here but someone said hindi rin daw maganda maging independent for a long time kasi mas lumalaki raw tendency maging mag-isa and maging manhid sa mga nagpaparamdam. Like honestly? If being alone means living in peace, I'll have that over and over instead. Lol. With the exception of someone I guess but I'm not asado anw. Chill lang. Naisip ko lang kasi ilang beses na ako natokis dito. E alam namang mahalaga dahil this concerns a dog whom I've been told has only gotten thinner. So like. That's a little alarming, isn't it? Additionally, iniiwan lang pala nilang nakatali sa labas yung aso. Naaawa ako.

I like this song and this played while I was on shuffle so yay.

Here's your song, baby?? (Edit: 5:50pm kasi I did smth I've been contemplating on for a while and I said smth there and I wanna delete this song reco but da lyrics do be good doe???)

TIL secondhand vapor isn't any better than smoke and these two are smokers/vapers so that's another reason not to live with them. I feel suffocated with the smoke tbh I don't feel good seeing all that smoke para akong masusuka 

(Cont. - 5:50pm edit)

Anyway as mentioned earlier sa insert ko diyan sa song part, I did smth big!! About love and feelings!! And! I! Am! Proud! Of! Myself!!!!