Documented na to.

So pag ako ang mauna, 20k + Nichol pag lalaki, Nadine pag babae. Pag si Adi ang mauna, 20k + Mikhail pag lalaki, Nichaela pag babae.

Hello, true love. Competitive ka ba? Kasi if you are like I am, baka naman pwedeng we can tone that down here. Hahaha. Char kala mo naman. Hindi talaga ako nagmamadali lol (srsly)

I'm pretty confident tho, mag-2 yrs na to sila eh. Tapos ako wala pang jowa. On top of that, I don't think I look like the marrying type. 

Also, Adi, in case you read this, I'm not a fan of taking care of people I shouldn't be taking care of. Like, oo with people you love it's already a given to care for them. No questions asked. Pero to baby them when they should already know better, that I'm not fond of. So if Mark likes babying you because it feeds his ego, it does nothing but annoy me hahaha so pls hahahah some stuff u should get checked for, pls do so. I'm not a doctor! I can't determine for u if ure hungry or if it's ulcer when ur tummy aches kasi that's your body???? Not mad hahahhaaha but i will make time for u when u need me on your side ayon lang 

Anyway alam ko, true love, na di tayo nagmamadaling magpakasal pero baka gusto mong jowain na ako aba o kaya magpakita ka na at maglahad ng iyong nararamdaman o kaya magpacute man lang baka rin CHAROT dahil di rin naman ako nagmamadaling magkajowa. Oks lang sa akin buhay ko now haha la ko pake haha which reminds me, Ill be uninstalling Tinder haha umay teh I didn't even talk to anyone there haha yaks I'm past that 

Ang cute ni rc waldun lmao

Ps. I'll leave my profile up just till Sunday. If I don't match or have a convo w anyone interesting, then I'll delete it haha

And hey, for whatever it's worth it: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

**

Adi and I have been talking about our old toys, grabe yung walk down memory lane. Pero nostalgia isn't really a place you stay in for long. Naalala ko lang how I have no documentation of  my past. Parang nabura lang buong childhood ko. And my memory is hazy and blurry. I mean, siguro what sucks is meron naman sana kaso my supposed family doesn't really give a fuck about my old stuff, photos, or maybe even me. Shrug.

One more song for you. 

I want a love like theirs hmp

Sad ako kasi di ko binili yung dress sa baba (may emoji kasi may misplaced fat na need itago pero kaya naman gawan ng paraan) ang ganda sana kaso di ko kinuha kasi ala naman ako paggagamitan???? It's a whopping 600 din teh. Well 400 if may discount tapos I got the pair of shoes sa taas hehehehehe for 144 php hehehe a fucking steal istg hehehehe

So eto rin: I agreed to live with Adi na and she's been looking for a house na. Naisip ko lang ba, parang di ako sure if gusto ko ba talaga? Parang gusto ko nga talaga lumipat ng matitirhan, somewhere mas maluwag nga for me and Bebu pero not necessarily live with her din idk haha nagkaroon kami ng heart to heart talk and about my reservations sa ganung set-up and hers din, and siya wala raw siyang issue pero she wants to live with me kasi gusto niya raw akong alagaan, and I didn't really think much about it the first time I heard about it but now that I have, parang ang off nga? Like sabi niya, anuman daw maging possible issue with having me as a housemate, she can shrug off naman daw and just think na she's living with a teenager (she explained herself—thinking of it now, doesn't this sound like she doesn't see me as an equal?)

Kasi sa totoo lang, I like how convenient my area is. May shortcut ako sa main road. Mabait naman landlord ko, may laundryhouse malapit, kasundo ko tindera ganon. May perks din naman talaga if may kasama ako sa bahay since may kasama na si Bebu (in case makuha na nga namin), may pwede na akong pakiusapan magclaim ng gamit ko, baka mas makatipid din ako sa grocery since para sa buong bahay naman na ang food per cutoff

If anything, kung lilipat man ako, baka dun na lang nga sa 5k na for solo person lang. 

Anw, as always, nasabi ko na kay Adi yang addtl concerns ko and settled na ulit hahaha damn ang dali lang pala ayusin ng mga problema sa buhay char haha pero totoo namang mas madali pa rin kung sarili ko lang iisipin ko so this better be worth it. Well in case naman di ko bet, I can always move out. Like I said, madali lang naman kung sarili ko lang iisipin ko.

Here's your song, dearest. I still like you lol I'm just pretty chill about it 

Sa true love ko:

 Char.

Naiirita ako onti sa kabatch ko sa training kasi namomroblema raw at maghi-hearing pa raw sila kasi nag-NCNS nga siya because apparently, the bald idiot didn't send in a resignation letter and I already advised him to. Even already gave him a format so like?? Now he's asking for help and asking for a format even when 1. there's Google for it, and; 2. I already gave him ALL the info he would need but he didn't bother apparently

Like bakit ako maghahalungkat para sa kanya kung siya nga mismo walang pakialam? Sinabihan pa nga ako ng pota na di niya raw need ng friend at sapat na ang meron siya? Like ok fine? So do I? But I found that you just accumulate people in your life over the years it's just a matter of how close you let each person in like ???

I reinstalled Tinder lmao but I'm uninstalling it kasi I don't have it in me to look 😒 kapoy uy hahahaha 

Ganda ng pic. Tamotsu Yato raw ang photog.

Here's your song for today.

Gusto kong panoorin ito but I'm scared lmao gusto ko rin panoorin yung Ma, same dir. And yung Fiction. na movie sa Neplix kaso scared nga hahaha 

How r u

Here's a pic of the Marcxs siblings: 

Make what you will of it.

Di ko pa rin naaasikaso NBI clearance ko lmao

I also checked my period calendar and kaya siguro ako bad trip over smth petty is bc my period is just 5 days away ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I've been reading some posts from this acct: instagram.com/firstbikeride

 

Nakakamiss yung pwedeng tumambay sa gabi tapos nag-uusap or nakatunganga lang haha

I came across a friend's advice. Old screenshot yan as in Samsung pa ata phone ko.

She do be right tho. Man I shall move on na talaga. I can do dis.

Happy ash Wednesday from our family to yours lol

Here's the song I like for the day hehe but this is my song for you hehe

Just living my best life hehe she thrivin or whateva

 Here's me from years back. The fucking growth my dood!!! (And weight gain lol)

2016-2018 ata yan hehe

Anyway nagdedetox ako nao hehehe andito ako kina Adi uuwi sana ako after ko ligpitin computer set ko kaso tinamad ako umuwi at nag-Indian food din kami hehe Gujjudada Las Piñas is the best I've tried so far when it comes to Indian cuisine tapos oks pa presyo!! 

My favorite has always been their onion bread pakoda (with cheese ofc hehe) but I might switch to their aloo-paratha at mas mura din yun hahahaha ayun try mo kung magawi ka rito hehe

I have high hopes for the days to come for you and me :) 

Alam mo narealize ko a little while ago na ang saya ngayon na I don't have to pretend to socialize just for the sake of it. Normally kasi, kahit anong energetic kong tignan when I deal with people, by the time I get home, I'm drained as fuck and parang the interactions only amplify my sadness. Now I interact with people (Adi mostly lol) and I go home okay. I'm at peace with myself. Also ako na ang ampon nina Adi at ng jowa niya. Sana nga nagbago na for good ang jowa ni Adi para ebribadi hapi na susme awat na 

Naglaxative ako today hehe sarap ng pag-jebs ko naka-3x na me hehe I feel gud!!! Healthy bowels for everyone!!!!! ✨

May nagsorry sa akin nung nakaraan din for not defending my name when other people talked shit behind my back and yeah I get it I'm way past it SKL ko lang naman sa'yo hehehe tbh graduate na ako sa kanila e ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I mean I don't hold grudges against then (why would I lol) I'm fine in case we see each other pero I'm also ok with losing them in my life 

 Happy Pisces season! Tinatamad ako asikasuhin NBI clearance ko hehe sarap humiga lang at pumetiks hehe sumahod na ako btw

I was gonna give away the top but kasya na siya sa akin lol so akin na ulit to haha

Here's your song for today hehe

**

Share ko lang convo ko with a friend nung nakaraan 
 

Ang hopeless hahaha gusto ko lang ng matiwasay na buhay jusko bakit ba kasi ang gahaman ng mga lider natin putangina nila

In other news, sa Angkas driver na lang ako kikiligin labas ng kdrama kasi pinilit talaga ni Kuya na siya magsuot ng helmet kahit na kinukuha ko na awit sige salamat buo na February ko haha eme

Also the only validation I need on my humor trulie

You know what? I kinda love myself now hahahhaha I feel okay I feel well sumahod na pala ako hehe

You know I have my fears of course, but they're more about my life. I wish I was a little bit more afraid in my everydays

Gusto kong mag-EK

 

 Well, today I've made up my mind lol. I'm truly not living with Adi. Ayokong mag-adjust sa lifestyle o routine niya lol lakas mag-Tagalog habang nagtatawag ako tas lakas ng patugtog habang tulog ako in the same area. Gets ko naman di ako pwede umalma at ako ang dayo pero ayun nga, meh. I like my own space. I'm not mad, no hard feelings either. Pero ayun, yeah. Tapos I don't really plan to make a lot of changes in my lifestyle din just because I earn more. I wouldn't be able to save that way lol 

Here's my current fav song.

Anyway, more about decisions, I've made up my mind as far as my career is concerned BUT MOTHER FUCKER, ang bigat sa loob umalis kasi ang bait ng lintik na TL ko parang hindi niya deserve na resign-an pero kasi bakit hindi ko susunggabin offer sa akin ng Teamspan? 30k din yon teh. 🥲 They're willing to take me back despite my track record and despite resigning immediately.

Nagmamanifest sa physical pain yung pagka-konsensya ko 🥲 like my tummy is literally hurting at the moment 🥲 good fucking gracious anong gagawin ko. Hinihintay ko lang talaga ang sahod e 🥲

Bakit ba kasi ako cinoaching lintek 🥲 pero kasi naman alangang ipagpalit ko ang 30k na sahod dahil lang mabait TL ko huhu lalo na kilala ko rin naman magiging boss ko sa lilipatan ko

Sorry TL sorry u're nice I swear it's not you

My dream was funny tonight. I was studying daw sa Harvard. Bale meron daw sa BGC. Tapos I was plotting against this guard sa entrance who's a bully to give him a taste of his own medicine tapos in my dream mahaba raw yung toilet seat lmaooo 

Meron daw parang di ko sure kung org ba siya o company o start-up pero nag-ask ako sa friend ko from there and I was curious tapos my friend (whom I don't recognize from real life) told me it's for grad school and suggested that mag-med school daw ako lol so I did

And in my dream, I was a med student lmao

Tapos I attended a graduation of my friend and her boyfriend and they did a song number. I don't even remember what song it was anymore but it was something uplifting.

Tapos I felt like I was watching a movie and she was cutting her hair short, shorter than any length she's tried and it looked cute on her. And I was encouraged to cut my own hair too. (But I won't, okay? Lol)

I can't wait for the weekend anymore.

Birthday pala ng isa kong pinsan today. EDSA din pala pati no?

How's it going? 

May kwento ako sa'yo. Ang eventful ng Wednesday ko. So nag-karaoke kami ni Adi and nung pauwi kami, we were wondering bakit walang galawan sa SM Southmall so we decided na maglakad na lang pauwi since kaya naman. Tapos nung nasa Colours na kami, kaya pala malala ang traffic eh kasi meron palang lalaking inakyat yung poste sa tapat ng Colours tapos may mga LGU people sa paligid niya. Half the road was closed. May parang yellow sa ilalim nung poste para saluhin yung lalaki in case he jumps tapos may crane para nga akyatin na yung lalaki. Pictures below:

Anyway, all's well that ends well. Guy was rescued and brought down

I found it off that some people were saying na babatukan daw nila yung lalaki if it were them or how they were invalidating the guy kesyo may problema daw sila pero di naman daw sila nag-cause ng eksena. Like, stop 👏 making 👏 it 👏 about 👏 you 👏 Sharon👏 Good lord 🙄

Here are pics of me and Adi from yesterday hehe

Here's Poydi, Adi's dog:

Hehehehe

Today's song for you! :)

You know, now that I've come to terms with accepting my feelings to be one-sided, the stars or algorithm are being weird and telling me to communicate even when I truly, truly don't feel the need to anymore? So confusing.

I have another kwento, pero it can wait until everything is on paper and LEGIT! Just being careful not to jinx it. Lol 

Love u hehe

Oks I'm joking. I'm back to square 1 lol I haven't firmly decided on anything hahaha 

 I might have come to a decision already? Here's my song for you today, Ry. Lol. Eto pa! 

I just need to get used and adjust my mindset, I guess. 

On to other news... So I looked at my body in the mirror earlier before I took a bath, and I don't hate it so much but I still weigh 55 kg lmaooo I need to lose 10 kg haha and my skin looks uglie ugh I need to start using lotion again. I stopped kasi I don't go out as much na but my complexion looks so bad now I'll use lotion na nga ulit hmp nagtitipid din kasi ako kasi 2 cutoffs na ako la sweldo aba naman

I'm thinking of growing my bangs na talaga seryoso na hahaha wish me luck haha I'll also take a break from dyeing my hair omg normal girl era hello

Let me just flex 

Also I'm currently on a call listening session atm and I got great feedback from management and our onshore client hehe

Ive been feeling lazy after graduating from our product training tho sigh

I look like a good girl here hehe

Today I've come to accept that it just won't happen for me, and it's okay. I don't see the need to tell you about how I feel. You already said no once. I let my feelings take over common sense. I repressed them for a while, and so now they're back. I'll let myself feel them until I'm okay. I needed this anyway. Look at me—2 years na akong single! Ang galing. Wouldn't have done it without you and without my ex traumatizing me lol. But I know I'm healing from the latter :)

Anyway, I came across these (trigger warning).

 

I'm so proud of myself. I've come a long way. This text exchange doesn't even make me feel heavy or sad. I just see how far I've come now. And I'm happy for myself that I'm now here.

Do I still think you're the best, Ry? Yeah, I do. But I don't feel the need to tell you about how I feel anymore. My feelings for you are solely my responsibility. They are mine to feel and only for me to know. Telling you will not change anything. Adi said I could tell you for my peace of mind, for closure. Pero what closure do I need? You already gave me your answer. You've always reminded me I'm a friend and nothing else. Maybe a good friend, but nothing more. That's okay. That's all I need. That's more than enough for closure. The problem with me was that I assumed the spaces were blanks that needed to be filled out when they weren't anything but plain spaces, just some boundaries.

One thing I couldn't accept then was that if someone liked me, they would've let me know about it. And that didn't happen so there's no need for me to make a fool of myself to you again. I placed more weight than I should've on the friendship you were offering. But I've already had my fair share of such. You would've if you wanted to. And you didn't, so ganun talaga. I was just delusional.

You were kind enough to remind me how I'm a friend. You never failed to draw the line and put me in my place, pero ako lang talaga yung matigas ang ulo. Sorry. I've accepted my place and I admit my mistake na, completely and sincerely. 

Thanks for the friendship. You're one of the best. :) I wouldn't have felt for you like this if you weren't.

Ang ominous ng date ngayon, 2/22/22. I hope it brings you some sort of magic or smth. Me feeling at peace with rejection is all the magic I need I suppose

I watched Oasis by Lee Chang-dong

 I didn't get to fetch Bebu over the weekend bc my friend flaked out on me. Well, I have already let it go. I wish my internet wouldn't act up so much so I can go back to working here at my place. 

I've been wanting to go to karaoke even by myself for the longest time, but I also don't want to leave the house. Kakaiba rin kasi antok ko lately. 

My dream last night was so bad na nagising akong naninigas sa position ko, as in firm yung legs ko na nakataas pero tulog ako. Like on a usual day, di ako makakatulog ng ganun pero ganun kasi siguro di ako gumagalaw kasi I was in danger in my dream. I vaguely remember details na, but I know it had something to do with my house in Batangas and being framed for several murders. I think it was with my dad. I think he also tied me to the gate in my dream. 

I don't think I've watched anything nice since we stopped talking. You would've enjoyed this

I've been wondering if I'm making the right choice. 

I badly need advice, but what can you do? Alam kong malaki na ako, pero di naman ako Diyos at omniscient. I still have my failings, alam mo yun? 

I don't know who to turn to so I can settle this. 

Mas maganda pay, tapos familiar ako sa work, pero won't I just be limiting myself? 

Narealize ko lang din, I don't think I receive the same energy from the people I value a lot. Siguro ganun talaga no? Even with friends as far back as high school and elementary, you just grow apart at some point. I kind of forgot. Life was so good, it momentarily left my mind.

I'm not sad, don't misunderstand. These are just random musings.

I'm supposed to fetch Bebu tomorrow, and Jea said nangayayat daw siya. Of course I'm disappointed, pero I appreciate that she watched over my dog when I asked her to.

I hope I can be with Bebu for a long time. 

As always, I wish I can reach out to you, but I need to get used to this distance between us now or I never will.

I wish a sign would just fall from the sky. I can't make a decision. 

I know I'm a loud person but I don't like being shouted at. Alcohol truly is a downer and it brings out the worst in people no?

I passed training hehe. Exceeded the required metric hehe

I also already interviewed for my old company and I'm scheduled for a client interview on Tuesday

I'm super drowsy prolly bc I had a glass of Alfonso pero one glass lang e ambot gnite maw mwa

 Alam mo tinignan ko composite chart natin at kahit dun, parang hanggang kaibigan lang talaga dapat tayo. True, di naman ako expert, at di ko pa rin naman talaga siya na-analyze nang maigi, pero parang sapat na yung mabara ako ng very same thing na nagpapaulol sa akin, aside sa cool ka naman talaga din.

I hope my plans come to fruition. 

 

Today is a sakto day. Di ko pa rin naaasikaso payroll account ko. I fucking feel lazy. Lol. Still hate my job lol but my teammates make it bearable. 

It's most likely going to rain in a bit. I'm supposed to pick up Bebu from Batangas this weekend. I need to clean up my place tomorrow. Maybe when I get enough sleep. I'll also prolly just setup my account tomorrow. From what I know, banks inside malls are open on the weekends anyway. I think I have an idea why I'm starting to have less energy to do stuff. It's probably because I started working at the house of my friend nearby since my data started fucking up in my room. Lol. It's so tiring. And she makes me do things I don't usually do, throws me off my routine. Nothing bad about her but gets ba haha it just doesn't follow my personal routine. Like I started taking diet pills and it's helped me initially but she asks to buy food in the middle of the night when I don't eat anything supposedly at that time save for light snacks lol it's a little annoying actually. I also kinda agreed to live with her once I've fully adjusted at work? But I might take this back because I kinda like my space. And now that I remember that our respective routines aren't in sync, it wouldn't make sense to be under the same roof as this person.

Baka pag-awayan pa namin. 

Siguro I'll tell her once di na ako in-between jobs (quite literally)

This was me and my friend from yesterday (the one who gave me a sermon, not the one who asked me to live with her)

No decent pic bc wtf is that right lol 

In other news, I've asked around my circles about whether they've visited my blog outside the times I sent them a link to an entry and all of them said no. I mean, they could be lying or telling the truth. I care less now about who you are and whether you're Ryan or not. Or maybe I'm just saying this because I'm still sleepy.

Chika #2, someone at work whom I have a personal joke with Adi about fulfilling my Rico Blanco-Maris Racal fantasies asked me to create an account on Skype and I'm like "??" They prolly said this bc it's not safe to chat on Teams and neither of us wants to talk on our personal socmed accts I guess. Last I used Skype was during high school for my mom when she worked abroad. Lol

Nothing special and not a big deal out of this person. I just think they're cool and they're good at work! But meh. See poem above (second pic iirc). Plus, he's a Leo 🤮. I'm great at research like that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm so drained but nothing worrisome. Just sleepy and tired. I'll also be transitioning to a later shift starting Monday. Will be on a 3am shift. More sleep at night i guess.

I might be drowsy bc I actually just had Neozep.

Ive been trying to look for Tin's email about caring but I couldn't find it. I found other interesting ones tho. 

Gahhh. Good night 

 I hung out with a friend earlier today, and she gave me an earful about you, Ryan. Lol.

She was sort of rooting for me initially, saying baka di lang talaga ready. But she was also still grounded enough to call me out and tell me to stop being delusional. What hit me most was when she said, "Hanapin mo yung ikaw rin yung hinahanap."

Ops. Disclaimer: di ako naghahanap. Wala akong pake. Context was that I said I've already tried the other fishes in the sea and no one's has come close to you. She retorted with that.

Totoo naman. I'm hopeful that I will eventually get the hang of this, Ry. In the near future sana. 

I'm listening to a friend who's crying after her therapy session and alam mo, it's nice to be there for the people who were there for me too, not because I want to repay them but because I love them and I want to be there for them just as much and I'm glad I can do that now.

I'm glad we have this mutual trust. I want the best for everyone I love, really. I'm so happy with myself kasi I can now be this person that they can turn to. Alam mo, sinabihan ako ni Tin dati na she wishes for me to receive the same amount of care I give others and I was shookt because I've always believed I was selfish, pero now, I believe that I do care. And it's nice to be able to and recognize that you can. Will add more to this let me just get some sleep