I feel apologetic for the time he spends with me, like every and any chance we get and if we can find time for each other is something better spent elsewhere. He has reassured me already, although I think we still have more to discuss, but if I had a better functioning mind, it would have been enough. 

The last few days since then, I've become emotionally numb. I feel detached. Feeling ko, na-trigger ata 'to gawa nung sa amin ni Matt nung nakaraan. Pero it's not like I did this intentionally. I saw this:

Parang di ko na mahal agad si Matt. We just said our I love you's and it felt empty & hollow saying those words. At the same time, I'mm well aware it is wrong. It shouldn't be like this. I wish to snap out of it. I don't feel optimistic about the relationship anymore. 

I shared this to AJ, and this is what she said. Helped a bit. Hope I get out of this rut sometime soon.