Naalala ko, nag-Tinder ka nga pala dati. It really just isn't me. I get it. I'll get over this. I'm sorry.
Naghahanap ako kung may pinakitaan ba ako nung usapan natin nung unang beses akong umamin sa'yo. Gusto ko lang basahin ulit para matatak sa isip ko, pero iba yung nakikita ko. Di ko na ilalagay dito, sasarilin ko na lang. Lol.
Di ako pwede magbackread sa chat natin kasi nasa ignored messages ka kasi gusto kong maalis yung temptation dati na kausapin ka. Nagawa ko naman. Di na nga ako gaano nagbababad sa Facebook. Haha
Good night salamat sa time. Okay lang ako. Miss lang kita
Hindi ako magmamakaawa pero syempre di mo naman maaalis sa akin magbargain kung non-negotiable na ba talaga yung no mo beb.
I'm recreating the playlist you sent me before in case you think of deleting it, kung ikaw nga tong nagbabasa dito, so that I won't have any more of you to hold on to. You'd probably think it's for my own good so that I can get over this quicker, but I'll do it at my own pace. I tend to be stubborn, you know.
I carefully placed them in order in case they were curated and meant to be listened to a certain way. It's going to be exactly how you made it, but all to myself.
You can't imagine how much ako natatawa na lang sa sarili ko. I'm very much aware of how I look like, but it is what it is. I have to acknowledge it for what it is so that I can stay in control of myself and my emotions.
Now that I've let these out, my mind's clearer. It's the same thing as before. I should let go of this. Wala akong pinanghahawakan—I need to keep this in mind all the fucking time. How I feel is different from how you feel. You don't see me the way I see you.
God help me. I love you, but it's do or die here.
I love you this is bad. We are never going to meet halfway. No matter how much I'm willing to extend myself, you just don't want to. This is fine. My feelings are my responsibility.
I love you. I wish I mattered enough that you'd want me to be in your life as much as I want you in mine, but it just isn't like that.
Don't get me wrong, walang mali about wanting space for yourself. I'm doing that now, pero ang hirap kasi I held it in this whole time. I lied when I told you I like you the first time, that I only did it to "nip the bud before it can blossom". It fucking never stopped blooming. That was bullshit. I fucking held it in. I went out with other guys to look for other options, so you'd think it's not you anymore, but in the small moments, I know you're the one I really like. But hey at least I tried di ba? Fucking lol talaga. Man I'm so frustrated.
Kaya eto. The wound has festered and now here we are. I don't want to hold it in anymore. I'm in my process of healing, and I need to do this. I value your person more than my feelings kasi pero I still lost you.
Watch me switch to being marupok in a few days tho. Tangina ang hina ko sa'yo.
I was lying on last night's entry I'm sorry. I want you. I wish I was still somehow a part of your life and not someone who once was and now is part of a script you're ready to film and move on from. Anong "I don't need you to come back"? Oo I don't but do I want it? Hell yeah. I fucking want you.
I wish you'd want me to stay. I can wait. But I'm doubtful. Wishful thinking nga ako. Wishfuckingful thinking. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko.
You are all the songs in the fucking world!!!
I will now go to sleep God fucking bless me!
I'll read your script fine but the thought alone makes my stomach ache. I'll go to sleep then read it.
I've been reading up on the Holocaust so not at all unproductive re: reading btw
But you deleted it huh. Okay. I guess I've truly lost you, huh. Thanks. Ang sakit nun ah. Ang bigat sa puso. Naiiyak na naman ako lintik na yan.