On the other hand, nag-aya siyang magluto kami ng wings. That's new 

 Nakakasad lang.

Parang di naman niya ako pinapahalagahan. Di na kami magkikita sa anniv, di na kami magkikita sa bday, delayed pa kita namin. Di rin kami lalabas for the year. Wala lang ako sa kanya. I let him treat me like this. It's kind of hurtful na walang siyang ginagawa kasi gusto nyang gawin. I let him treat me like this.

 Naisip ko lang din, not that this is my partner's obligation di ba, pero he's not as encouraging sa akin to pursue hobbies. Oo, gets ko 80% of the push has to be from me, pero ayoko na i-elaborate. Naisip ko parang lumiliit mundo ko for someone who doesn't feel for me as much as I feel for them. Kasalanan ko rin for wanting to be with them and experiencing things with him. 

Oo, I get na may mali rin here kasi ang clingy af, pero it's not like I don't interact with people at all. Masisisi mo ba ako if siya gusto kong kasama if I'm not working and I don't want to be alone? 

Things would be so much easier kung hindi na lang ako tao.

 

 

This means a lot.

I really feel sad. Like, very, very, very sad. Big sad. Nothing feels right anymore. Parang ayoko na. It's not like I want to feel this way, but I do. I feel so miserable.

 Nasasad ako kasi we don't do anything outside, di niya man lang ako inaaya pumunta ng kung anong event ba.

I feel like he's waiting for me to break up with him lang. He doesn't really love me, he just a strong sense of responsibility and obligation.

I feel a bit resentful towards Matt. Idk if nalalason lang utak ko kasi I know I'm not in a good place right now. We haven't been intimate for a long time. We also don't do the things I want or visit the places I want to. I'm also not happy about work and I don't have friends anymore.

I'm okay being alone naman, it's not like I'd want to talk to people din right now. I'll most likely just push them away. Ang hirap lang ngayong ganito nararamdaman ko. I don't remember gaano katagal nang nakatambak hugasin ko sa lababo and yung labada ko. More than a month na siguro. It's that bad.

I want to get out of this but I feel glued to my bed. Obviously I also don't like myself right now.

I kind of want to push Matt away din.

 Isang buwan ko nang pinapabayaan sarili ko. Haven't cooked, haven't cleaned, etc. lol Im not proud of the current state of my room 

Could I be depressed lol