Si Matt                                             Me

I think OTP. Cute ng jowa ko. 

I really mean everything I've told Matt before, na ang sarap niyang mahalin, at lalo ko lang siyang minamahal. May mga araw na dinedemonyo ako ng utak ko, and it feeds me thoughts like he could be cheating on me (fuck my ex charot), pero totoong it's easier to trust him. Mahal ko si Matt. Mahal ko siya kaya naniniwala ako sa kanya at sa mga pinapakita niya. Counted ba yung cheating stuff as intrusive thoughts? Walang nagawa si Matt para pagdudahan ko. Baka pwedeng counted? Kasi if anything, I think Matt is pure. 

Pero totoo, mahal ko lang talaga siya. Atsaka lahat ng posibleng maging issue namin, napag-usapan na namin eh. Yung hindi malinaw sa akin, nalinaw na namin eh. Tapos ayun, nagtatawagan na kami. Tama siya, di naman guro need umabot sa magkatulugan kami, pero natulugan ko nga siya habang nanonood ng Fast Five at ang magaling sabi ba namang akala ay sasakyan daw ako nung humilik ako. Kagagaling ko lang sa kanila kanina, tapos kinukupal niya na ako lalo. Hahahaha cute cute ih. Sana ganito rin siya kasaya. Nararamdaman kong pinupush niya talaga akong mag-grow as a person. Yung sinabi ng mga kamag-anak niyang magandang nagka-gf na raw siya at gaganda buhay niya? Siya yung may ganung dulot sa akin. Aamin ako, super monotonous ng buhay ko, pero wala lang, he gave me that small nudge para kausapin nanay ko.

(Di ko gets bakit nilagyan ng icing na greeting yung Brazo de Mercedes, akala ko may parang card lang but ok?)

Birthday ni daddy kahapon, tapos buti na lang napakiusapan ko si Kassandra bilhan ng cake. At least, alam ng tatay kong somewhere around the globe, someone does remember, and just thinks of him without the need for him to beg for it. 

Sana di isipin ni Matt na nagselos ako sa shirt niya with Cheska, la ko pake. Basta ako mahal niya sabi niya eh. Hahaha. Natutuwa pa nga ako, ang cute cute ng shirt. Bakit ang angas ng jowa ko? Di kasi siya seloso??? Hahaha, pero alam kong he cares, hindi yung hindi nagseselos na akala mo wala na ring amor o pake sa'yo, kasi I made a bad joke on Twitter about how I'm a hole (maybe voluntary for him alone hehehehe) tapos he said didn't I think about him when I said that? And tama siya. I should be careful with my words. Tapos okay na rin yung mabawasan nga pagkalulong ko sa Twitter. Tapos ang sarap sa inorderan namin kanina... AND HE GAVE ME CHICKEN SKIN‼️‼️‼️‼️🥺 ANG SARAP NUNG MANOK 😡 

I've closed off from the world, pero parang hinihila niya ako pabalik (not forceful but in a very encouraging manner). Pwedeng coincidence lang, but still, ang warm sa pusong isipin. Tama siya sa sinabi niyang trying is easier for the other person, because he does make it easier to want to try to turn my life around even for just a bit. 

Sana ma-enrich ko rin buhay niya, because he's really doing the same for me. Thank you to the highest heavens for Matt :) I will fight for him (whether it's my own bad thoughts, circumstances, or other people—I'm looking at you, Brent)

DID HE HAVE ME INSTALL DISCORD SO I CAN JOIN GWEN'S SERVER???? APART FROM THE WATCH PARTY THINGY???? 

Well gosh. Kahit coincidence pa, I love this man even more. Baka bigla akong maniwala na kay God nito. Next thing you know, I'll be back to doing the things I used to love in a few months hahaha lmfao sana maganda rin dulot ko sa buhay niya. I don't want to only be taking without giving or doing anything back.

Na-realize ko rin, big talaga si Matt on acts of service. I think it's up there more than words of affirmation (and he's a writer lol not saying it's a bad thing natawa lang ako isipin hahaha) and it's cute. Tapos mukhang ako naman ay big on giving gifts more than I'd like to admit lmfao tho not as much with receiving tbh haha

Anyway, gnite!