I'm not scared of this being jinxed. Today was magical and really just amazing.
As always, I'm just as in love with the jowa. Had to keep from staring at his sleeping face the entire morning kasi it do be a little creepy na, pero I really just adore him.
I don't necessarily miss him—we've been together for more than 24 hrs—pero I'm still not tired of sniffing him and kissing his cheeks and sniffing him some more.
And the fucking sex.
I've never enjoyed it this much with anyone else. I know I once said a friend I hooked up with some years back was the best I've had, because it was good and there was aftercare, and I didn't feel like I had to tiptoe around his family the morning after, but our next encounter was horrible.
With SO, the bar never drops.
First time kong makaramdam na para akong nagva-vibrate, but it's not because of orgasms that's why I say the sex is amazing.
I've never wanted to do it this much with anyone else too, and even with my previous SO partners, I never really cared about pleasing them. I always relied on the knowledge that I don't have to try so hard or at all even because they can just get it done and over with after a few humping.
I don't feel obligated to please him. I don't feel obligated to do it with him. I don't feel used afterwards. I'd love it even if he'd use me (ey, kinky) and would truly, truly do everything he wants with me. And I mean everything. I just want to please him. I want him to enjoy. The only thing that would stop me and has been stopping me is the frailty of the human body 🥹🥲🙃
(Nagpa-pic ako sa idle ko, pero busy talaga lagi pag artista kaya candid candid na lang)
(Pinilit pa talagang mag-pose kahit antok at pagod sa sobrang hectic ng sked, kaya di ako magsasawang suportahan itong idol ko eh!)
I mean, I've always known naman na, pero mas na-reinforce yung sinabi niyang we don't really have to go out to make memories. The mundane is fun with him. Playing useless games was fun, and brought out my competitiveness (-ish...). It was FUCKING fun making stupid puns out of Muntinlupa (and I'm proud of the one I made 😤) and mimicking memes and making our feet touch. And walking at night, making fun of how perfect it would've been for Valentine's weekend to window shop inside this adult toy store. Or make fun of how a hotel took over an old Sogo building, rebranded and all, BUT FOR SOME ODD REASON, retained the freaking familiar yellow and red exterior Sogo is infamous for.
How he never forgot to keep me on the safe side of the road. How he'd make faces and mock me for calling out this habit of his that I'm not sure if I can drop here for his privacy. And I like tracing every inch of his skin, even outside the context of sex.
I really just adore this person.
And this is nothing new, but it's always fun to talk about anything with him. I'm never shy to admit when I really don't know shit about something. I don't feel like there's a mold I have to fill and conform to. Unlike the other people I've been with or could've been with, I never felt pressured like it's expected from people my age to understand certain things. I can just nonchalantly say idk, and I no longer feel less of a person like I used to.
And... I'm glad I had the chance to introduce him to a good friend I've known for years. The encounter made me just feel so alive. I love my work friends! But it's nice to have conversations outside of complaining about work. Bale complain about how the world works naman, lol!
SO said he saw another side of me daw, and I really don't know if that was a good thing. Idk if he still thinks he'd mesh well with this other version of me he said he saw. This was very surprising to hear, really. I was surprised he said na hyper ko raw. Hahaha. Sabi ko na lang, I hope it counts for something na I let him witness that. Sabi niya oo naman daw.
Sabi ko na lang he can always say so in case overwhelming ako noon. I'm willing to make the type of adjustments naman where I won't lose myself. I just don't want to overwhelm him. I know I can be more than what people can usually handle.
If love is a lottery and a matter of picking your poison, then this is mine. Anything I may have ranted about in the past, may part to play din ako (and most probably even a larger part than I credit myself for - and I'm not gaslighting myself LMFAO) kaya nagkaroon ng ganung disconnect. I'd move hell and heaven if I could. Basically, I'm willing to put in the work needed.
I feel like a person again.
And I don't mind that the day had to end. I respect that I have to go home and that my SO and I have to part ways. Gusto kong siya na hanggang dulo—as in, yes, that dulo (👰)—but I also respect na bago pa naman kung tutuusin relationship namin pero seryoso talaga ako rito. Invested ako, pero mindful ako at iingatan ko sarili ko enough not to drown then lose and harm myself which, in turn, also affects him. I want to be so good for him. May tiwala naman ako sa sarili ko.
Gianna (friend I met up with) also said this:
I got this song from him. Hope you've had it good the last few days too, you.