This stung but tis fine.

How do the years fly by quickly when each day is slow? 

Today was scary. My hand went numb. I thought it was a warning sign of a stroke or smth. What if I become terminally ill when I'm older. I wonder what would become of me by then.

I no longer want to make plans with you. It's disappointing how ppl are so careless with words. I hope to rid myself of feelings that don't really do me any good.

People have also been commenting a lot today about my body, how I've lost so much weight which has always been my ultimate goal, but I don't know why it just makes me mad. 

I weighed myself today and saw I'm now down to 46 kg, but why do I still think I look fat? I've always wanted to go back to only being 45 kg and now that I've 1kg left to lose, I still don't feel completely accepting of how my body looks? Is this body dysmorphia or what?

I realized the reason why I'm bored is because I don't want to consume any media. I don't want to read or watch anything. Music is all I can tolerate, but unlike before, there are even moments when I'd prefer silence lately. I think it has something to do with being stuck in my room and doing everything here? And alone? I'm usually ok with being alone, but I don't have anything new about myself to enjoy with. I feel mad sad I wanna die I just feel very bad. I can't fully explain what it is but I'm not happy. I'm upset.