I was thinking maybe I could leave Bebu with my father, but my dog is just too pure for that and deserves better.

It's unfortunate that there's no magic cure to this; I wish there was. I'm perfectly aware that there are people who care for me, but I feel so disconnected and the largest part on why that is is on me, but self-awareness can only get you so far, no?

I wish I felt better. I wish I was better. Ayoko na dito, pero mas ayokong maging pabigat nga lang sa mga malalapit sa akin at the moment. I was thinking maybe I could just go to Batangas should I fully decide to get it done and over with. What I'd pay to see my father devastated if he were to learn of it. Hopefully my mom finds out too and I hope it hurts them both to death. Schadenfreude nga, sabi nila. I wish letting go of baggage was easy. I want to get over everything, truly, but I can't. And I badly, badly wish I could. Ayoko nang dala-dala 'to. Ni hindi ko na nga alam kung anu-ano pa ba talagang tangan-tangan ko. 

If you're close to me, please don't try to make me feel better. Pity would only worsen it, and while I'm sure you have the best of intentions, my brain won't be able to fully make sense of it. Thanks.