How am I this cute and with no one to date, huh???? I wanna get drunk and lie down on the grass or something. I hope the brownies I got make me feel better, even just a little bit. :c 

On a lighter note, I guess there's been progress with how I've been managing myself and my emotions. 

My manager also said this:

Thank god when we talked I was the only one left in the office. Otherwise, it would've been embarrassing because I couldn't hold back my tears then, yucks. Lol. 

I want to be okay. I also have not had a wink of sleep today. I hope I get through the day okay. 

I also realized that the reason why it hasn't stung when this particular someone rejected me is because he doesn't have anyone atm afaik but the thought that it won't and can't be me kind of hurt. Parang kinurot dibdib ko kanina nung na-realize ko 'to. Maybe I can use that and channel it into something productive. Sigh. 

I just want to be good. 

Hi anonymous reader, ikaw na lang date ko? I was talking earlier to someone I knew from ask/fm and I told them I'm content with the intimacy I share with my friends and that there's a quick fix if it's anything sex-related. While the latter part is true—yes, surprise, surprise—it still gets lonely. Like right now. But what can I do, right? I want to stop fucking things up. I want things to please, please, please work out. I know I'm too lazy to work out, but can I have this work out for me? I know I don't need to be with anyone to say I've won in life, but I do not want to be alone, please lang. No. 

Kaya ko naman. Pero it would be really fucking nice to have someone I can run to and just lie down with. 

Yucks talaga, these thoughts, I know. 

Maybe it's the hormones talking. Maybe not. 

Imagine, my standards were never unattainable ever since but shit still doesn't go my way. Sure, I have my share of the blame, but like????????? Please lang. 

I want to be okay. I want to be good. 

Sure na ba akong mag-aaral ako ulit kung matapos ko man 'to? Talaga na ba? Pakshet talaga. 

Hindi na ba ako kamahal-mahal kasi tuwang-tuwa akong sabihin yung word na 'burat'? 

Alam kong di ako lingunin level na type ng babae pero ganun ba talaga sila kadehado? 

Oh my god the fucking yearning. I'll get over this another day and then realize I'm not okay pa for anyone, can't be with anyone yet. Even if the cosmos gives me the best man there is for me, chances are, I'll still fuck it up kasi that's how ill-prepared I am for it. I tend to sabotage them. 

Why can't I just fall in love with a childhood friend or something—that's because I have none? Lol. I moved back and forth often that I couldn't have lasting friendships. Hahahha. Shunga.

Gusto kong ugatin naman sa isang lugar, please lang. 

I also have two more plants now hehe 

Life is shit, I just get quick breaks every now and then to forget that, even for just a little while. 

I feel so fucking sad. Not even Monster drink can make me feel better. 

 Would my younger self like me right now? I don't feel okay.