Hello everything :) 

I just want to share about how lately, I don't mind existing as much, so much that i can sing (as you can see). I won't go as far as saying I'm super psyched that I can go around throwing glitter on the pavement, nor do I aim to be that happy--that shit's exhausting. No one is a complete fluff of sunshine. 

But I'm at peace.

2020 is shit because of everything that has happened, I'm not going to lie. But that does not stop the year from becoming our year. It is my year--lazy days, unfinished knitting projects, and all. I think it's safe to say that I've outgrown that thinking that I have to advance and that I'm so behind the game or corporate ladder. Lol. I'm not. Getting to the top of the ladder is not my goal, or the goal... I just want to be happy. I want to be happy. I want to be at peace. Don't get this wrong, I don't promote slacking, but taking a goddamn break isn't that bad of a thing. I think. 

The discourse I've read it's true. Maybe it really is capitalism to blame for getting this competitive, every-man-for-himself type of mindset ingrained in our heads. It's not supposed to be a dog-eats-dog world out there, and the wronged ones are not to blame. 

I'm not to blame for trusting. 

I'm imperfect and mediocre as they come, but so is everyone else. We're really all just grains in the sand, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm part of a whole, and I fill a space. That's enough. 

I'm a little worried for when life throws a curveball my way (in the form of a subpoena from an ex), but I'm hopeful that I will get through it.

There's this set of people online from around the world whom I've been talking to these days, and it's nice how I don't feel any hint of "Ha! There's a guy. He might be boyfriend material" or something. They're just nice people, and that's it. I've been talking to people on dating apps too, but I don't feel the need to go out with them and start anything romantic. That's a huge leap, I must say. 

My only regret right now is being too shy to ask for a refund for the camcorder that was damaged upon shipment. I think I want to start a video diary too, aside from the blog posts.