I'm in the office right now and things are fucked up and messy right now. I don't know what's going on but it feels like I'm losing my grip on myself. It felt like hihiwalay na yung kaluluwa ko sa sa katawan ko kanina at ngayon, it felt like I was floating. I cannot function. I'm just typing this in between episodes. I went to the restroom to get a hold of myself then went back to work but it happened in between calls. I don't know what's happening. I don't even feel like crying. I don't know what emotion this is. Or if this is just vertigo. For a moment, parang lumulutang ako, parang slowly lumulutang na ako palayo sa desk ko, sa katawan ko, sa screen ko, tapos tinitignan ko yung kamay kong nanginginig tapos tinitignan ko yung screen ko tsaka yung trabahong dapat kong tapusin tapos wala.

Wala akong maramdamang sense of urgency. Wala akong maramdaman.

Tapos nakatitig lang ako dun sa tupperware na may nakasulat na pangalan ko, tinutukan ko yung handwriting ng pangalan ko tapos parang papalayo na ako sa pangalan ko. Para akong lumalayo sa lahat.

I check my pulse and it feels like my heart is also beating fast but it's not. Naririnig ko lang yung tibok niya.

Para akong masusuka, parang gusto kong masuka. Parang gusto ko na lang mapikit.

I know this should not happen, and that something might be wrong, pero idk, idk. I don't understand