As horrible as it sounds, I guess one reason why I'm not as excited anymore is because I've been let down and I'm scared to get my hopes up only to be disappointed again. 

There's also my issue with feeling like a burden to other people. I'd rather be the one who goes the extra mile for other people than be the one on the receiving end so that I can have that certainty that I'm never a burden to everyone else. 

I read this and cried a little.

My boyfriend does remind me I make him happy. Maybe I'll think of that. The brain is a liar.