My skin is so dry I also stink. Can't believe I've to work again tonight. As always sana dead na lang me.
I'm not sure if this boyfriend still loves me. It doesn't feel like it anymore. Lugi na naman ako.
Life was so much more peaceful before this. My head hurts so much.
No song, just poems.
My problem with being extremely sad during the holidays is my cross to bear, right? The only thing I can do is do better with coping, right? And if my boyfriend says he's busy then I need to understand that right? He did say this would happen. What's the bare minimum for when you're busy?
He does check up on me a few times a day. I guess it's my lack of anything going on that makes it more noticeable how things have changed.
Siguro nakakainggit lang din yung iba kasi some people find time to be with their SOs.
If only my dog wasn't crazy, maybe I wouldn't be here anymore. It's just that no one else will be as patient with her that's why I still stick around. I could just leave her with my dad, but I know he'll just tie her up and leave her outside without a care.
I wish the holidays didn't exist. It only makes me feel even more insignificant and alone. Most days I'm okay with being alone, but it's times like this that make it feel like it's a crime.
I feel like I always get the short end of the stick. I can't withdraw even more than I already have and I hate that I have to do it sometimes to protect myself. I'm not built to be detached and cold and unloving.
I've put my phone on airplane mode and disabled the chat function on my messaging app just to pretend I have control in that rather than just live with the truth that no one out there really cares.
I also don't feel like he still likes me as a person. I'm not sure he ever did.
Saying sorry for being distant lol why are you even being like that to start with, and what's the point in apologizing if you can't really do anything about it. Apologies are not meant to substitute for solutions.
He's so dismissive.
I've also been seeing a lot more things where we're incompatible. Sometimes I think the things he said to reassure me were just lies.
He can always find someone else where he won't have to worry if the person's gonna be dead or alive the next day. I also don't feel like our sex drive is compatible.
What use is having someone who still makes me feel alone? It's easier for my mind to accept that I'm literally alone rather than be with someone who doesn't really make me feel any different.