Why can't I have a love like in Us and Them huh???? Goddammit.
I'm scared that the big sad is starting to rear its ugly head.
They say I just have to be content with moments, because they're the most I'll ever get in life, because that's what life is made up of anyway, but I don't want moments. I want to die with someone. Man ang lala ng yearning ko right now. God i hate being alone. But I sort of regret asking my friend out if I could come over again. Might come off as clingy.
Sigh.
I've beem watching stupid movies since 3AM. Gusto kong magkaraoke. I need a life.
Maybe it's time for me to alone. Lol. I just dont have another choice. Like, sure, babe. If that's what makes you sleep at night. God.
I feel so fucking sad. And ugly. I just want to be tucked in bed. And cuddle. Cuddle.
I reinstalled Tinder and uninstalled it again in less than an hour. It doesn't do me good anyway. I just want company. Hirap naman nitong quality time ang primary love language. Hays.
I want to literally just sleep with someone. Have a drink, maybe. Idk. I really haven't been in thr mood to drink tbh. I just want the company.
So I read something about transference a while back and it got me thinking about my feelings for people before. Anyway.
I'm not in love with my therapist tho ok? Hahaha. I'm not in love with anybody. And that's okay but I'm fucking bored.
I hope this therapy thing works out.
Man it would be nice if I could be loved and desired despite myself.