The dream wasn't even anything special, it was just about me coming in late for work.
Two of my managers are already seated on one side of the conference table.
While I take my place on the opposite side, I catch Paolo do a double take, hurriedly stealing glances of me and then his watch, as if to make sure his eyes aren't lying, that I really have just gotten in.
Jhoanna is none the wiser. Yet. All her attention is on her computer screen and she types away.
I don't catch the whole thing, but I hear Paolo say something along the lines of, "Late ba talaga yan during this very critical period?" Naturally, this steals away Jhoanna from whatever she's doing and she finally looks at me.
"Oo, kasi di ko naman talaga deserve 'yung mga ganun," I respond in her stead.
She scoffs and says something I can't recall anymore.
Paolo asks something I've heard one too many times, in many shapes and forms: "Is there no other excuse?"
It is my turn to focus on my screen. I frantically check for timestamps of my recent chats or if I sent any emails while I was talking about work with the other folks before logging in. "Give me a sec, I'm going over Teams to look for timestamps."
I follow up with, apparently, a silly question. "Can't I use my timestamps from 5pm?"
"Does she know that's [some made-up term in my dream that really means I disobeyed the rules again]?" Paolo says as he turns to Jhoanna with an incredulous look on his face.
I think they said some more stuff but I can't really remember what they are right now. I was trying to write everything properly before I got to this point in my dream. The day already feels jarring. I'm being made to face my self-destructive tendencies. Lol.
Their gazes from earlier still burn through my skin, as if I had been cut open and they are peering through my insides and yet I'm finding that not being looked at burns even more so.
My very real and very loud alarm clock rings. I stop for maybe less than a second to decide whether I should leave or stay. Time is not real in my dream.
But it is 6:58 pm, and work isn't until 9.
