Turns out, grief never goes away entirely. Di naman ako namatayan. I just feel grief over who I once was.

I recently learned that a dry spell is normal for couples so I guess fine. I'll ride the wave. To be honest though, I'm still a bit worried kasi ang baby pa ng relationship namin pero syempre mental health is real. I've been there myself so I get that.

Pero ayun na nga, meh na nga love life ko, pati ba naman career ko? Hahah. Maybe what I should be doing instead of feeling sad about work is looking for other options.

 On the other hand, nag-aya siyang magluto kami ng wings. That's new 

 Nakakasad lang.

Parang di naman niya ako pinapahalagahan. Di na kami magkikita sa anniv, di na kami magkikita sa bday, delayed pa kita namin. Di rin kami lalabas for the year. Wala lang ako sa kanya. I let him treat me like this. It's kind of hurtful na walang siyang ginagawa kasi gusto nyang gawin. I let him treat me like this.

 Naisip ko lang din, not that this is my partner's obligation di ba, pero he's not as encouraging sa akin to pursue hobbies. Oo, gets ko 80% of the push has to be from me, pero ayoko na i-elaborate. Naisip ko parang lumiliit mundo ko for someone who doesn't feel for me as much as I feel for them. Kasalanan ko rin for wanting to be with them and experiencing things with him. 

Oo, I get na may mali rin here kasi ang clingy af, pero it's not like I don't interact with people at all. Masisisi mo ba ako if siya gusto kong kasama if I'm not working and I don't want to be alone? 

Things would be so much easier kung hindi na lang ako tao.

 

 

This means a lot.

I really feel sad. Like, very, very, very sad. Big sad. Nothing feels right anymore. Parang ayoko na. It's not like I want to feel this way, but I do. I feel so miserable.