Costar said something about crying 

And while work was tiring like always, I wasn't as stressed as before. This guy and I were talking about not feeling like working and filing for leave and yes, I shared that I'll be on leave the day after my birthday (it falls on Sunday) so that I can avoid greetings because it only makes me feel awkward. Then he offered to go on leave din the day after my birthday, and it could be the hormones, I don't know, pero naiyak ako. I think it's the first time someone offered to do something like that. Parang ma-effort kasi. Kasi like??? Maglileave ka sa work?? We can celebrate naman sa weekend or find time, pero to go on leave din just to be with me? :( I feel so soft like idk if it's the good kind or not.

Di pa rin ako makapaniwalang this is happening for me srsly. Too good to be true nga. Pero syempre ayoko namang i-spoil. Pag masyadong skeptical, it ruins things. Pero may times pa ring di ako makapaniwalang andyan siya? Kasi kahit ako naboboringan sa sarili ko? Like we don't even talk about anything groundbreaking, just about how our days went. Pero naghehesitate pa rin ako kasi di ako sure how much I should be sharing. Ayoko namang magmukhang pagdudump lang ang personality ko. I don't really think I'm interesting. I also don't want to try to be interesting or anything. I don't have the energy to do that. Tsaka alam mo, kahit na nakakakilig yung idea na someone's taken an interest in you, it's also scary to think of what happens next when the things that were once interesting lose their sparkle and become more and more familiar by the day. The thought of interest being that glue that holds  people together scares me. What comes after all the pages are turned and all the lines are read? 

Also, on most days, I'm just tired. 

I don't do anything special with my life. So I don't know how to hold his interest. I don't have it in me to be just some person's stopover before the great thing.

I don't really feel pretty. Compliments still make me feel weird. I feel like I'll never be good enough. 

The only consolation here was when I reactivated my Facebook account and looked up some of his writings, and when his words became more personal, I stopped reading. So yay for me kasi di na ako nag-open ng can of worms at naghanap ng ikaka-overthink ko lalo. 

And I'll only say this here, but I've been wanting to kiss this person a lot. Like a lot, and it feels like the closest way to satisfy this need is to wear him on my skin, but even that doesn't seem anywhere near or close enough.

like i need to consume u and keep even just a little part of you in me until i run out of my fix and i have to take u in again

I know, it sounds crazy lol

I also don't know how to navigate this. I don't know when is too soon or too long. 

I've also been playing this song nonstop, and ang timely lang how it's about new things.

I'm also scared to say this din kasi baka ma-jinx, pero remember Reyna read shit for me? 

May ibang parts na nagresonate ngayon, yun lang about sa Pisces ang hindi, kasi dapat daw big 6, pero kung counted ang Jupiter eh di yes. Tsaka Jupiter rin chart ruler niya. 

Sana may sahod na. Gusto kong magkaraoke at mag-ukay. 

Me today!