Earlier in the jeepney, while I was on my home, I thought of just giving in to singlehood. Like, okay, I'll take one for the team. That's where it seems I'm being pushed to anyway. In all aspects, I don't really have go-to people--be it with mere friendships. I only have shallow relationships. I can live alone. That's what I've been doing, isn't it. But it seems like circumstances are pushing me to living in isolation. Lol. Well, so be it. I'm tired. I've been thinking that it seems I'm nothing but just another hole to shove some guy's meat in and that I'm really not good for anything but shallow things and that I'm nothing worth more than a stopover before the actual good thing. 

Alright then. You win. I hope you're happy. You better be. 

I no longer see whatever silver lining I thought there was in my current job, and the only thing keeping me from leaving is that I don't want to go to yet another call center once after this. I've been wanting to look up the job that Ryan suggested, but I don't even remember what it's called exactly, and I don't think I can open our chatbox and scroll through our messages. I can't. How I feel about our chatbox is the same as how I feel about Tinder. Or birthdays and holidays. It gives me nothing but dread. I can't afford to backtrack on it. Not yet, at least. The mere thought of it hurts, okay? Lol. 

But right now, I feel numb. And tired. Mostly, numb. 

I'm in the office right now, and this new trainee is doing a rollcall of everyone's order for Jollibee. I don't even feel like eating. 

I don't feel like working, but I'm not even sleepy. Tonight feels like a fever dream. All my years don't seem real. 

I hope I hear from you, but I'm sure I won't. How are you anyway? What are your thoughts on Care Bears and chicken wings? I love chicken wings. Do you?

The moon looks bigger without my glasses.