Naalala ko mama ko ulit. Nabanggit nitong ~ka-talking stage~ ko (idk what to call him and I don't wanna namedrop just yet) na malungkot tumanda sa hindi mo bansa, tapos naalala ko yung sinasabi ng mama ko dati na mas pipiliin niya pang mamatay sa ibang bansa kesa umuwi dito. May attachment siya sa family (I mean like my grandpa, her dad) pero at the same time di maganda para sa sarili niya na umuwi that's what I remember I might be remembering it wrong. I think it may also be because of me. 

Siguro kahit malungkot siya sa labas, she'll get by. I'm like her in that regard, kaya namin parehas mag-isa. Ang interesting lang how we're similar in ways and yet at the same time, we can't stand each other, and that's not bc of what they say na galit ang magnanakaw sa kapwa magnanakaw, but more like I'm one of the main reasons why she wasn't able to fulfill the things she wants for herself. I feel sad for her about this, really. It stings din on my part, pero it's an ache I can live with for the rest of my life na. 

Naalala ko she'd say something na baka dumating daw sa point na ipadala na nga lang yung puntod niya pauwi ng Pilipinas, I think like that's the only way she'll go home at that point.

Birthday din ng mama ko bukas; sana mawala sa isip ko.