I noticed that I don't take photos of my face as much as other people and it would've been okay if the reason for it is because I don't care, but the truth is, I do care. The only thing keeping me from taking selfies is my immense dislike for my face.

I felt like I wanted to show my face on Facebook because "face" book? But when I went through my photos on my Google Drive, there's isn't anything recent that is decent. Lol.

So I tried taking selfies to, you know, push my brain into accepting that this is the face I have whether I like it or not. But idk. I didn't really like it. My skin's glowy tho, but may breakout ako sa noo. Hay.

Sent the photos to a girl friend I was comfortable sharing them to and I find it funny how the first few photos had me trying pa to look decent (not photoshoot level ha, but decent pang-story, ganun) tapos sa dulo, I just gave up and did whatever.

The camera does not love me. Hahahahaha. Okay. I'll try to sleep now. Bumili na rin ako melatonin, sana um-okay na sleep sched ko.

I'll admit something din. The only thing keeping me together is keeping the important things off my mind. Oo, escapist talaga ako. Hahaha. Sinasabi ko lang na tanggap ko na ang mga bagay-bagay, pero hindi ko lang talaga sila pinagtutuunan ng pansin for now, pero medyo napapagod na ako. Also, January pa pala ako nag-uninstall ng dating app (although last labas ko was Feb)–yay!!!!!! It's already July!! 

May kwento pala ako. So meron yung time last week ata na ayokong mag-isa so I looked for someone on my friends list to go out with but there was no one else available but this guy I was in LFS with so we went out. It was honestly a waste of time and money, pero tapos na. Now I know better not to go out with him anymore. Tapos sabi niya split daw kami sa bill at babayaran niya na lang ako sa Gcash pero hindi naman siya nagbabayad. Ayoko na ring singilin kasi ako nga naman yung nagyaya. Pero okay lang, may positive eme naman. Una, napatunayan ko na sa sarili kong may restraint na ako kahit may alak kasi hindi ko talaga siya pinatos hindi ako nagpakita ng kahit anong motibo. And yucks the conversation really annoyed me. I enjoyed talking to his friend more than him. Lol. Ikalawa, I found someone to unfriend. The audacity of this guy to assume na I liked him daw. He thought I have crush on him... Like... We don't even talk much, I don't even give him my time. Okay lang ba siya? Nakakainis. Pero ayun nga, now I know better. And the whole time we were together, I was actually just thinking of my dear, dear crush. Sigh.

Also, speaking of LFS, nalaman ko habang nasa trabaho ako na pinatay ng pulis yung isa sa mga nag-recruit sa akin dun (hello redtagger I already quit btw) :( nanlambot ako sa balita. Ganun lang pala talaga kadali mawala ang mga tao sa buhay natin.

Iniisip ko paano kaya pag namatay magulang ko.

Alam mo, now that I have more time to think about it, I think I'm sad. I hope it's not the Big Sad™ kasi I'm not sure how to go about it anymore.

Siguro ito lang yung sinasabi nilang emotional constipation kaya parang okay pa ako.

Sabi ni Google, when dealing with emotional constipation, you have to acknowledge your feelings and feel them, but I can't because it's going to overflow and it will be too much and no one will be able to handle it, myself included... Especially.

Also, I've been eating rice a lot more lately. While I'm still overweight, I actually lost a bit of weight when I got sick. But I'm gaining them back now anyway. Hahaha.

Wow. There's an update. That's the update. Meron pa. Pero di pa ako ready.

Do you know how stupid I feel when my heart feels like crying but my brain wouldn't budge? Like, "wow, I'm actually dealing with crap right now" but my face is all V(^__^)V I don't like it. Hahaha. I don't even feel like turning to alcohol to help me release.

Sana may Dulcolax for feelings so that I can flush them away. Cheesy, pero pagbigyan mo na ako.

Gusto ko lang malaman mong the sweeter the song, the sadder it makes me feel kasi I'll never have that. All I'm saying is "All I Wanna Do" by The Beach Boys makes me feel so sad lalo na dun sa 1:17 mark??? :((( yieee iiyak na yan pati rin "All My Stars Aligned" :c Feeling ko sleep deprived ako today ulit. Ilang buwan nang apat na oras lang tulog ko. Pangit talaga tulog ko pag prime shift ako. :(

Alam mo, parang gusto kong magsulat. Pero takot na ako sobra. I think suko na talaga ako... I wish I had the time.

If you're wondering if I don't have friends I can reach out to, I do have friends, but everyone's busy living their own lives right now so I get it. Besides, if there's anyone I want to hang out with, it's just with a few specific people. Dalawa lang actually. Lol.