I know I want to cry, but I can't bring myself to do so. Is this emotional constipation.

It's so weird, reading this message, because I don't feel like I care for people enough. I don't think I know how to take care of people. I think I'm a selfish person. They've known me for a long time, but this person they speak of doesn't sound like me anymore.

My therapist yesterday said I should stop blaming myself for everything that's happened, that it isn't all on me. And I think that's when I started feeling off. It's difficult to unlearn and just shake off something that I thought was the truth my entire life.

It feels weird that he seems to be rooting for me, kasi parang nasanay akong ako lagi yung mali. That I always make the wrong choices. Na patapon ako kasi naglayas ako and shit, but did I really do the right thing for myself? It's so weird to have him rooting for me kasi, parang ano ibig sabihin nun, shitty talaga family ko? Man, at thr end of it all, no matter how it's obvious life was fucked up, I still defend my family in my head. Idk why. My worst enemy truly is myself. 

He also talked about neuroplasticity. 

I want to be good. I want to be good enough and to amount to something. I can't release this sadness I'm feeling, but I know it's there.

I have a friend who's getting married. I'm happy for her. Sana ako rin. Man, I just want to be loved.

Someone from work said indirectly said mukhang pambahay suot ko. I personally like my long and flowy skirt. I kind of want to put a bit of effort in my attire later, but I'm also too lazy. Why do I have to prove myself. I also don't think I can still look good. Sigh. 

I'm tired. And sad. 

PS. I look fucking hot here. Happy International Women's Day or belated? Whatever.